My positive life

Pink Pool Night has the Go Ahead

2011-09-30T11:03:00.000+01:00

I have finally got the go ahead for a PINK POOL NIGHT at Wellington Civic and Leisure Centre on the 28th January 2012 to help raise funds for Swimming After Surgery (SAS).

The water will be dyed pink for an hour and will disperse naturally through the pool filtration system.

I am now busy preparing posters, tickets and organising raffle prizes. Anyone who doesn't want to wear something pink on the night is offered to pay a forfeit to help raise funds. I already have a few takers for this option.

So this busy bee is now off to get things organised.

Best wishes to you all.

Fee

A very Busy Day

2011-09-24T21:18:00.000+01:00

I have had a very busy day today.

I help Ican2 which is a local community group for children with disabilities.

In the morning we have a session for younger children and in the afternoon a session for the older children up to the age of 18.

If the weather is nice the session is held on the track at Oakengates Leisure Centre. This gives the children lots of space to do various activities.

Some like quiet time to do creative crafts. Others like to go on bikes, go carts or hand bikes etc. In the middle of the track there is a pitch where the children can play cricket,football or other activities that they choose.

Today the weather held for both sessions which was extremely fortunate.

Just as we were packing the equipment away and signing people out the rain arrived.

In the evening there is a session at Newport Swimming Pool which allows the children to gain confidence in the water and play with sea scooters if they wish. A separate lane is set up to do this and is supervised by 3 adults made up of staff/volunteers.

To see the children smile and progress is an amazing feeling.

I am tired but today has been so worthwhile.

Finally Level 1 Swimming has arrived

2011-01-31T10:11:00.000Z

I have finally commenced my Level 1 Swimming coaching course. Please feel free to click the link and see what I have been up to. http://fee-takingtheplunge.blogspot.com/.

Best wishes

Fee

Procrastination or not?

2011-01-07T23:09:00.002Z

How many times a day do you ponder on whether to do something or not.

Have an idea not sure if it will work - worried about failure or whether what you have in mind is good enough for the target audience?

I suspect many of you reading this will have experienced these feelings. Do you overcome them or shelve your plans to another time? If you shelve your plans this could be classed as procrastination. Others could say that you are ensuring that the idea is perfect before you tackle it or send it off.

I try and go with my ideas and plans whether they work out or how other people view them or me.

Sometimes I am like a bull in a china shop, wound up like a spring and just want to get on with my ideas.

Other things take me ages to learn and it is then I have self doubt and worry whether I am good enough to tackle the task in front of me. An example of this is that it took me three weeks to get to grips with creating buttons for a website and I have finally achieved this. I may be slow but at least I am achieving something as I go along.

The New Year has spurred me on to achieve my goals of which I have got lots.

I look forward to ticking things off my list as the year progresses.

Best wishes to everyone and Happy New Year

This will make you think

2010-12-20T18:36:00.002Z

I have come across this blog http://mhee-free.blogspot.com/
it is an ambitious plan and journey raising money along the way for charity.

What a time of year to pick to do this challenge. I hope he makes it and survives the cold weather.

Update CV

2010-12-14T12:10:00.002Z

I really need to start updating my CV.

The last twelve months have been really busy. Coming up with ideas and moving forward.

Volunteering has kept me going and now I am slowly heading a direction I want to go in.

I have attended a few courses, taken online tests and attended various training and awareness sessions. This means certificates of what I have achieved will be put in the folder I have now set up and organised recently.

I just hope I can manage to pass my web design course. I just need to steady my nerves and get on with the assessment on the night.

One thing now is a blessing in that my swimming course does not clash with the web design assessment week which at one point they did. The reason for this is the swimming coaching course has been cancelled.

I will undertake the training later in the New Year hopefully once a place is booked for me.

I will have to update my CV in case any of the places I volunteer at require it and also it will do me good to adapt it with a sense of achievement rather than look back with nothing changed on it.

I am busier now than when I worked full time - hard to believe but it is true.

The advantage is I can still attend hospital appointments without letting anyone down as what I do is in the evening or early morning or happens at a weekend.

Above all else I count my blessings everyday.

Keep warm and keep well everyone.

Fee

Trying to Stay Positive

2010-12-03T14:09:00.002Z

I dislike December and have done for many years now.

There seems to be so much commercial pressure on people.

I am lucky where we live that community spirit runs high. Our neighbours have been without a working boiler for over a week. So have no hot water.
Eventually they were given two fan heaters on Monday night.

This means we have company coming round, cheering me up as we sit and have hot drinks in our living room which we are lucky is cosy.

Yesterday we attended a funeral and this gave me really mixed emotions. I felt numb from the cold but also numb mentally not too sure why or how I am to come to terms with these feelings. I am just trying my best to move forward.

I am trying to stay focused on my hobbies and interests.

I am so lucky I have a cat as she is a complete stress buster.

Keep warm and keep well this cold spell.

Best wishes to everyone.

Where has this year gone?

2010-11-27T05:44:00.002Z

I don't know if anyone else is feeling like this that the year has just flown by.

With December looming ever closer I am certainly very busy.

This week alone I have done one online assessment and passed Welcoming Disabled People. This is one sure way to ensure someone reads a book as there is a short test about it either online or by telephone and you only get two attempts to pass by a certain date.

I am still attending my website design course and slowly getting to grips with setting up templates but I must remember to create the site first then the pages DOH.

On Thursday night I was at Shrewsbury School for over 3 hours of training to become a Kelloggs Swim Champion. This training enables people to understand why certain groups don't or won't go swimming and then see if something can be done to help them. As Swimming After Surgery (SAS) has now launched I had a lot of knowledge of how to go about this but still felt a lack of confidence in how to broach the subject with other people. So I gained a lot from the course and am now classed as a Kelloggs Swim Champion.

This means I will have two more certificates to add to my collection.

I hope everyone keeps warm and well during this cold spell.

Best wishes

Fee

Coventry 2010

2010-11-18T11:00:00.002Z

This time last year I had completed my first Rotary Disabled Sports Championship following this many opportunities opened up to me.

On Saturday I arrived at Coventry as far as we knew there would not be a full team but at least 6 others would turn up.

Apart from the rotarian who had organised the event from our counties,my husband and a coach no one else arrived from our team. This made an embarrassing situation. I was full of mixed emotions from being let down, embarrassed, angry and upset. After a while I decided to make a joke of it "Billy no team mates" came to mind.

http://www.rotary-ribi.org/clubs/committee.asp?ClubCtteeID=9369&ClubID=356

As you will see from the links every team has a table where packed lunches are provided and is a safe area to leave sports kit etc.

The table next to ours was Warwickshire. As soon as they heard I was on my own they "adopted" me. This meant I could participate in some of the sports I had been entered into.

I was entered into the senior ladies swimming and relay event for Warwickshire and this meant a lot. I also felt humble as one of my swimming relay team mates was an 8 year old boy with no arms. I wondered how he would manage the event. His swimming teacher held him above the water as it was too deep for him to stand up in it.

Once the starter said "go" he launched himself backwards and kicked his legs as fast as he could. When it came to the relay he was exhausted yet he swam again. I was fortunate to be able to help him out of the pool once he had completed his swim.

On Sunday he was given a sandwich. I wondered if his mum would hold this for him. He was passed his sandwich and he held it in his toes quite happily.

He then played football and fell over. In his usual style he just picked himself up with no fuss whatsoever. I was completely humbled watching him and absolutely fascinated by his outlook on life.

We had a laugh on Sunday while practising for the wheelchair pitstop. We had borrowed a wheelchair with quick release wheels for the purpose. This had to be held by two lifters while two "mechanics" released the wheels and raced around the course then the wheels were put back on and the racer had to continue on with the rest of the course to prove the wheels had been put on properly.

This was a very fast race and the lifters and mechanics had to deal with three separate wheelchairs as there was one junior , one female senior and one male senior competitor.

This event was timed and the room was fascinated watching this event.

The next event was the wheelchair slalom. Unfortunately the wheelchair we had borrowed was too wide for this event so I had to use my usual wheelchair.

The course is laid out in such a way that the wheelchair has to go through two tram lines then, round some cones then into a block fowards and immediately reversed back into another block where the wheelchair had to go backwards to the block at the back without touching and had to ensure the whole wheelchair went over the line.

This takes some skill and if anyone didn't go all the way in time penalties were issued.

Luckily for me one of my teammates had turned up on Sunday for his events so we just had to borrow a junior from Warwickshire to be able to take part in these events. This event was appreciated by spectators and those taking part alike. For everyone that completed the course the whole room cheered.

It was an amazing weekend and one I will never forget.

At the end of the event there was a closing ceremoney where awards and trophies were given out. By this time my team mate had left and I was back to being "Billy no team mates".

Some of the teams took team photographs afterwards so I decided I would just head off home quietly. Someone noticed and called me back for the Warwickshire team photograph. I made some new friends and was invited to join three other teams next year if a team can't be put together next year.

I will just wait and see what happens.

Swimming After Surgery

2010-10-25T10:59:00.004+01:00

I have finally got a launch date following a telephone call last Monday.

The day the free swimming lessons start is Wednesday 27th October at 6.30 pm - 7.30pm at Short Wood Primary School, Limekiln Lane, Wellington.

This means I have been busy preparing posters, leaflet dropping, liaising with various organisations to ask if posters can be put up.

I also did a recorded radio interview on Friday morning which was broadcast on Saturday morning on the Eric Smith show on BBC Radio Shropshire to promote this project.

I just hope everything goes well with this project.

Rotary Fun Day

2010-09-27T10:33:00.002+01:00

Yesterday morning was a cold and chilly start. My husband and I had woken up at 6am as previously arranged. We were going to set off to Cheser at 7 am along with our neighbours.

Armed with directions from multimap and a satnav we were prepared. At 6.15 am the telephone rang it was the neighbours to say they were ready and would be round at our home shortly.

We arrived at our destinaton early. I explained to the neighbours that I prefer to arrive early rather than late as car parking can be problematic.

There were many rotary groups organising the event and so many volunteers.

We found the registration desk and eventually registered. We were given cards with all the events listed on them. I had stars against the events I was meant to take part in but that did not mean I couldn't attempt other activities. The main part of the day was to try new things and have fun.

Myself and our neighbours are very competitive so much so we all had a go at darts when we discovered one had beaten the other we aimed to beat that person. At one point all three of us were in a line of three dart boards my neighbours were standing up while iI was in the wheelchair aiming at the dart boards. I got 89, my female neighbour got 87 and her husband got 108 but I couldn't beat that score.

We then ventured off to Velcro darts this is soft balls with velcro on to aim at a large fabric target to which the balls should stick. There were five balls of various colours this also ended up very competitve and we each tried to beat the other.

Next we went to new age kurling this was held in the squash courts and was great fun. None of us had ever seen this game before but soon threw ourselves into it.

There was an event called pedal power this was various bicycles suitable for disabled people to try. Due to the fact I had had a hip operation this year I was unable to use a foot powered cycle so was able to use a hand powered bicyle. This was a wonderful experience and made me realise that despite my legs don't work properly I could still use a bicyle by hand if I waned to in the future.

There were several bicycles on the track at one point and I felt a bit nervous luckily I had listened to how to slow down or speed up with the bicycle I was on. I had to brake a few times due to others speeding and racing each other with enthusiasm.

After this I attempted cricket from the wheelchair. I had heard my coach in stafford talking about the cricket group he had set up and I felt it was not for me. Litte did I realise how much I would enjoy it.

There were several of us in wheelchairs playing cricket and it was a fantastc feeling to be able to catch and hit a cricket ball. There were many smiling faces showing signs of enjoyment and achievement.

On each of the cards activities were scored or signed off.

I attempted carpet bowls and enjoyed this very much. My neighbours also took part in this sport and competed against each other.

There were some sports we were good at and some we weren't so good at.

At 3pm the events were packed away. At 3.15 there was a medal ceremony everyone who took part was given a medal. Prior to the medals being given out the highest scorers were awarded certificates.

Our group was at the back of the ceremony listening to what was going on and being supportive. Several certificates were given out.

The next thing we heard was my name being called, my neighbours took my bags off me so that we could manoevre the wheelchair through the crowd. Eventually I got to where I was meant to be and was presented with a certificate for carpet bowls.

This is the second time I have attended a Rotary fun day this year thanks to the disability sport club I attend in Stafford. Last time I won a trophy for being the top wheelchair contestant (this is currently on the mantlepiece).

Our neighbours enjoyed themselves and had no idea what sports were available to them until yesterday now they seem interested in doing lots more.

During the winter months we still train at Stafford no matter what the weather there is only a week when the club doesn't meet and that is Christmas week.

Last Thursday evening was interesting as I was in Stafford training with javelin throwing when a thunderstorm hit. We were prepared for the rain with waterproofs and umbrellas but the lightning and thunder was just a bit much. I was throwing pretty well despite the rain when the thunder came I jumped out of my skin and went white. My coach knew I didn't like storms as I had explained this to him before the session. I battled on and the storm seemed to ebb away slightly. This gave me time to have some more throws and then the storm returned with a vengence. This meant end of training while we had to shelter indoors. I had no idea how many athletes actually attended the track until that moment when we were all in the same room. When out on track or field it doesn't appear that many.

The main thing that the coaches instill in us is enjoying sport far more than anything else.

Life is Like Buses

2010-09-24T12:41:00.003+01:00

I had set my heart on a web design course and finally plucked up the courage to enrol on one.

I was apprehensive when I attended the local college on Wednesday evening to do the course. I know how to turn on a computer but web design seemed beyond me.

I needn't have worried the tutor asked how many of us could use Word answer was all of us. We were then informed that this meant we could cope with the course.

Well here goes. First lecture over and completed. The package used is dreamweaver. From a student perspective this is a good package but to purchase a copy to use at home is going to be very expensive.

So why is my life like buses. I have been attempting to set up Swimming After Surgery with the help of the local authority. Finally they now have funding and have allocated swimming pool time. You've guessed it, Wednesday evenings have been picked for this project.

Oh well, I will have to miss one lecture to help with this project and then return to the web design course. It can't be helped and I can't split myself in two no matter how much I would love to.

In the meantime I have been plodding along with my usual hobbies, writing, helping out at the swimming club and disability sports.

Unfortunately I won't be able to attend the Wellington Festival as yet again I have a prior engagement.

This year seems to be full of double booking or things I would love to do but have already confirmed a position somewhere else.

I have managed to keep a promise to my husband which was the bungalow would be painted, furniture arranged and carpet in, within 3 months and we have achieved that.

This was why I was determined to enrol on a web design course and move forward with my life.

Now onwards and upwards to see what else I can achieve. Who knows where the rest of the year will take me.

The Black Cloud Again

2010-07-27T18:11:00.003+01:00

This cloud came over this evening but it is not as black as the one last night.

I could imagine it being like an aeroplane or something similar.

Last night's cloud was really eerie. This one was a little bit tamer but still came over at some speed.

I wonder what other types of cloud I will see and shapes - who knows it may even inspire a story or two.

Best wishes to everyone.

Fee

A Black Cloud Overhead

2010-07-27T15:17:00.003+01:00

Last night I was sitting in our living room and looking out of the window. All of a sudden a huge black sheet of cloud appeared and moved stealhily overhead.

It was really eerie and I felt that it was like an alien spaceship passing overhead. I wonder if this is where some sci-fi writers get there ideas from.

I called my husband to look at the cloud and he agreed it was spooky. It didn't rain while the cloud was passing over but the wind got up.

The black cloud merged into the darkness as quickly as it had first appeared.

I wonder if I will ever see the like again.

Best wishes

Fee

Body Language

2010-07-25T18:37:00.002+01:00

Yesterday I spent the day at Telford Town Centre raising money for Macmillan Cancer Support.

I held a bucket on my lap and due to the rules for charities was not allowed to rattle or shake it.

I chose a spot between M&S and Primark as I did not want to block the entrances to the shops and cause a nuisance.

I was surprised at how many people actually stopped and put money in. Some people made me feel invisible and there seemed like a large area between myself and them.

Many young girls stopped and put money in the bucket.

One lady even apologised that she had no change and asked if a £5 note would do?!! I was really surprised at so many people wanting to support this charity.

It was a busy day in the centre with Breakthrough (a breast cancer charity) Cancer Research UK and various other charities collecting in the shopping centre.

When my husband told me breakthrough were collecting further up, I told him to put some money in for us.

As the bucket had been empty when we collected it I was surprised at the weight of it by midday. By 5pm it was nearly full and shoppers were dispersing so we decided to call it a day.

I enjoyed watching the body language, guessing who would give and who would ignore me. Sometimes I was right other times I was surprised.

A couple of times my husband and I not only were given donations but offers of coffees if we wanted them fetching. We accepted the donations but not the drinks. It was lovely to be asked and this got a conversation going along the lines of "we know how hard it is doing this sort of thing". "Aren't you bored yet?"

When we handed the bucket over I was surprised at how heavy it was. Every penny will be counted and every penny means so much to this charity.

Every minute I spent sat between the two shops meant so much knowing I was giving something back to a charity that has supported me and gave me a grant towards the deposit for our wedding. We returned the favour by donating our giftlist to Macmillan and a representative was invited to the wedding to help collect the donations of which we had many.

Macmillan not only provide nurses, they do the following:-

give benefit advice,
offer support and someone to talk to when having a bad day
solve problems many cancer patients face and if they can't solve them get the media involved to raise the issues.
They campaign via email and media to change things that have a huge financial impact on cancer patients e.g. prescription charges
currently they are campaigning on hospital car parking and help with fuel bills as some cancer patients require the heating on all year round and not just in the winter.
Macmillan have support centres throughout the UK where patients, relatives and carers can drop in for support and advice among other things.

I became involved with Macmillan at a conference for cancer patients, carers and professionals and since then I have become a patient cancer voice and my husband last year became a carer cancer voice.

This entails writing letters to MPs. Occasionally appearing on television if required and every cancer voice can say no if this is not an option for them.

I thought long and hard before becoming a cancer voice as I wasn't sure I was up to it. I then thought of those too weak to get the media involved in their lives but facing the same problems I have faced I knew it was the right thing for me to do.

Not everyday is a good day but with Macmillan Cancer Support's assistance I can cope and by being involved with the charity I know I am helping those that follow this horrid journey.

I still get days when I wish I had never been diagnosed with the "C" word I still can't bring myself to say it to myself or about myself. To me I have just had numerous operations for various things and unfortunately the "C" word came up as a diagnosis for a few of them.

If I hadn't had it would I be the person I am today? NO definitely not.

It has taught me not to be materialisitic. Value my friends and family and count my blessings everyday.

I am here for a reason and that is to help others.

Best wishes to everyone

Fee

Bureaucracy

2010-07-20T14:29:00.002+01:00

There are so many people to inform when a move takes place. The various benefits departments which in total took four phone calls and being placed on hold listening to the various music to then being put in a queue on hold for a very very long time. It wouldn't be so bad if these numbers were 0800 but being 0845 still costs a bit.

Next was the dentist that was easy no change of practice so can stay on the books at the dentist we use.

Doctors is a bit unsure of catchment area so will telephone us back to see if we have to move practices.

Council Tax Department was informed as soon as we signed the tenancy agreement via the housing association so that saved a bit of time and a phone call.

I am determined to keep on top of informing people and aim to advise at least two a day.

Otherwise a whole day would be taken up with telephone calls.

Having gone to the old address yesterday evening to remove some smaller items from the house I returned to the new home to discover someone had tried to ring but the number was withheld. At present we have not got the answer service set up with our telephone provider (something they omitted to do) and we are waiting for this to happen within 48 hours. As the caller could not leave a message and we have no idea who telephoned as the number was withheld I have no idea which council department, housing association or other such body has tried to telephone us. I wish these departments would unblock the withheld number so that we know who has telephoned.

Friends of mine will not accept withheld numbers on their telephones and have informed the local authority departments of this. They still receive telephone calls from these departments and have access to their telephone numbers so why can the same not be done to help communicate with others.

I have managed to change my magazines subscriptions online via email so that no confusion arose over telephone calls with "S" and "F" getting muddled up and this also saved me time.

As for driving licences once production of ID issues have been sorted out with various departments requiring photographic identification then these will be sent off to the DVLA.

So on the whole I am up to date with the bureaucracy of moving.

Best wishes to everyone

Fee

The Impossible has been achieved

2010-07-15T22:14:00.002+01:00

Well who would have thought despite recuperating from an operation I have also managed to move home.

Yes I have managed to help pack hump some furniture and even move the cat to a new home.

What? I hear you say Fee moving we had no idea she was planning this so soon. We found out last Friday we had been selected for a housing association bungalow. Only snag was tenancy had to be taken up and move started on Monday 12th July.

Yes I am now blogging from my new home with a working telephone and internet connection too.

As soon as a box came into the property it was promptly unpacked and sent back to the old property to be refilled and emptied yet again and again. I didn't want to be surrounded by boxes and mess.

Even the pictures are up on the walls as of Monday afternoon.

We are lucky as our neighbours are wonderful. I awoke on Tuesday afternoon to a card placed under the front door. This was from our immediate neighbours who I had only said hello and our names to while venturing out for yet another load of furniture.

Today another card was placed under the front door without any names on the front of the envelope.

This was from our other neighbours who we hadn't even met.

It is nice to have such wonderful community spirit.

At our previous address we have been told "You are not to leave the close without coming back for a proper goodbye".

We had wonderful community spirit with the close. If someone was digging up a tree we would lend our loppers and grit to help with whatever chores were needed to be done. If a barbecue was being held the neighbours would turn up with a little something to drink. If any problems we all knew we could rely on one lady in particular who acted like Neighbourhood Watch. Woe betide you if you upset this lady the whole close would turn on you.

Now with the final bits to clear and cleaning up of the old property the number of offers of help have been coming thick and fast.

Long live community spirit it means so much in this day and age.

Best wishes to everyone.

Fee

Things were going well :-(

2010-06-29T23:35:00.002+01:00

Hi Everyone,

I was hoping to post some good news on my recovery but to no avail. Tonight the out of hours doctor had to call and do a home visit. This means that this little person is now housebound for the rest of the week.

Oh well, this means more time for reading, knitting and whatever else takes my fancy.

I will also be having the pleasure of blood tests being carried out at home. Who knows it could even be a lovely young male doctor!!!

I expected to be tired after the anaesthetic and a little low but each time I have an operation it seems to take longer to get over than the last one. I know I will bounce back I have many times before. This time I have learn to be a patient patient if you know what I mean.

No more going out and about for me right now and it will take me a while to get back on my feet literally.

I just have to wait and see what the tests are going to show and hope that it is not more bad news.

I am keeping my spirits up as much as possible and have certainly not lost my sense of humour.

I just need to take this time out right now to recharge my batteries recover and move forward one step at a time.

Who knows what fantasy land I could end up in and write about.

Best wishes to everyone.

Fee

Recovering

2010-06-20T11:57:00.002+01:00

Dear All,

I am recovering at home slowly. This path is going to be slow as I am not allowed to go swimming while I have the dressings on my wounds.

As soon as I am able to I will be hitting the water and have purchased some swimming aids in readiness. These aids will also be useful for when I do my swimming coach training.

I am learning to be a patient patient and I am finding this hard.

Luckily I love knitting and have kept myself occupied with this.

I have to keep myself busy and am doing this in anyway I can.

I have not been allocated with crutches due to the lymphoedema down left arm and side and am managing with my walking poles.

I have a "new toy" which is a picking up gadget to save me struggling.

I am hoping to focus back on my writing soon but at the moment my mind seems to wander and I am struggling to become positive about it all.

It is like I have one person on one shoulder saying "I can do it" and another saying "You can't do that you aren't good enough".

I am having these mental battles with everything I am attempting at present but know I will overcome them in time.

I just have to cope and get over this operation first then I will move on with everything I want to achieve.

I haven't lost sight of my goals and dreams. I am still fighting for these and know one day everything I aim for I will have achieved.

I just have to pick myself up and dust myself down. Like the song "I get knocked down but I get up again".

That is me summed up right now.

Best wishes to everyone

Fee

Mixed Feelings

2010-06-11T06:30:00.003+01:00

Well the last few weeks have been really busy for me what with one thing and another.

I am still busy collecting sponsorship money in from the mile sponsored swim I managed to complete on 23rd May.

As for some of the time I have been attending various hospital appointments. Yesterday was no exception but I have good news. I am at last discharged from the eye department at RSH. The staff have been absolutely wonderful and despite the fact I will have small black floaters my eyes have recovered from the surgery I had in March.

Yesterday morning, I had two telephone calls. One was an Occupational Therapist making an appointment to see me next week in preparation for my operation on 25th June. Having confirmed this appointment I then started to prepare for the journey to Shrewsbury.

The second telephone call was the hospital where I am to have my operation. "Can you come in earlier?"
Me dumbfounded not sure how to respond "when and why?"
We have had some cancellations and need to fill the slots and it is Monday 14th June.

Call up to loving and wonderful husband. Does Monday suit you for the operation date?

"Yes, fine with me".
Checking diary frantically "um does it have to be Monday I have an appointment in Sheffield that day".

Oh what the heck get it over and done with the sooner the better.

"Yes the 14th will be fine thank you."

Frantically trying to make mental notes of who to contact about cancelled appointments on Monday.

First let Debenhams know I won't be there by telephone and back this up with an email to let them know I am sitll willing to help with the project.

Second let family know not able to visit this weekend.

Third telephone Occupational Therapy team and let them know things have been brought forward.

The list seemed endless but I got there in the end.

With last night being late night shopping off we set to buy various items I required to go to hospital with. I had been putting this off till nearer the operation date but yesterday's news brought everything forward.

So most things have been purchased and I am slowly calming down having ticked lots of my lists.

I have even managed to fill in the CRB check form I was given to complete last Friday.

So today is now a normal Friday with a visit to the dentist this afternoon. An engineer to visit the washing machine and a load of routine stuff.

All I have left to do is pack my hospital bag. Prepare my Chairman's Challenge if I ever manage to get my head around the challenge and set off to the swimming pool as normal.

It is nice to have normal things to do instead of sitting at home fretting.

I just wish my life was "normal" who knows one day it could be, but would I be the same as I am now. I love life's challenges and what it throws at me, it has made me a stronger person. I understand and can empathise with people a lot more when they are scared or upset. Worrying about the future is normal but to me just getting through each day is a challenge.

One thing I have definitely learned is I love challenges. I am setting myself goals and who knows what the rest of this year will bring.

I hope to return to disabled sports in Stafford soon as this will bring new challenges in itself and I love trying to beat my personal best.

This year is certainly full of surprises some nice some not so nice but I will keep going to beat the blues.

Best wishes to everyone.

Fee

Good News

2010-05-27T09:08:00.002+01:00

Yesterday I had the results of my mammogram carried out a couple of weeks ago. The results are CLEAR.

The consultant was away but I saw his registrar who was very nice (my dream the night before last was that the consultant was too busy to see me and I got very annoyed and was dragged away by two security guards). I had an examination and was told to go back in six months with a mammogram to be carried out every 12 months. This means I am one of the lucky ones to be kept an eye on. The reality of it is I am never going to be free of hospital appointments which affects Life Insurance and other financial issues. It is like a positive and a negative thing all at once. I remain positive and keep moving forward. November brings a bunch of hospital appointments together so hopefully I can have at least one month free from hospital this year fingers crossed.

I am now prepared for a trip to Gobowen Hospital today for a five hour pre-operative assessment. I know this will be a trip to see the phlebotomist ("vampire" in my world). I will then find out how long the operation will be and how long the stay in hospital should last (I hope not long).

My wonderful husband and I went through everything we could think of last night of questions to ask and have written these out so that nothing gets forgotten. I think I may hand this to the nurse prior to the assessment being carried out so they have time to prepare answers.

I am positive and upbeat.

Best wishes

Fee

Dreams

2010-05-26T09:24:00.003+01:00

I wonder how many other people have dreams and remember them.

I had a dream last night about a forthcoming hospital appointment which happens to be today. I dreamt the Consultant didn't see me and I felt such a nuisance that I had to be dragged out of the building by security. I soon woke up following this dream. I was shaking like a leaf.

A friend of mine is going through a real tough time right now and we both have operations coming up next month. This had obviously been preying on my mind as I had a weird dream about being knocked over by a large man.

This prompted a telephone call to my friend with a suggestion to help take the stress out of a situation that is obviously worrying me.

When I told her about my dreams she laughed, as we both know that it is not reality.

So the next plan of action is to get ready for hospital appointments and see what will happen next. Let's hope that my dream doesn't come true this afternoon.

Best wishes

Fee

I've Done It

2010-05-23T21:03:00.003+01:00

Well I have done it. It took 1 hour and 10 minutes to complete the mile swim but I DID IT.

It helped having some wonderful support along the way and to know I was being kept an eye on by the swimming club Secretary and Chairman made me more determined to keep on going and complete the challenge I had set for myself.

I was so worried about it as I had had a bad cold during the week. The cough is still lingering but at least I pushed myself rather than crying off from doing the swim.

At forty lengths I had an energy drink which spurred me on. On the last length someone said "I've lost count you will have to start again". Luckily I knew it was my last one so wasn't put off by this comment.

The staff at the swimming club have been wonderful support and I know now whatever ideas I come up with I will complete them no matter what befalls me along the way.

I am so pleased with myself as not only have I pushed myself to do the swimming challenge but I went out yesterday to The Square in Shrewsbury to help raise awareness of the Relay for Life event at London Road Sports Centre in Shrewsbury on 11th and 12th September this year.

If the weather hadn't been so hot my wonderful husband would have worn a cowboy shirt and I was hoping to have finished a poncho to wear and have some fun. Instead I wore a pink beach wrap, dressed up with a fake pearl necklace, a long pink skirt and red lipstick on my cheeks, along with a pink headband across my head as an indian squaw. This shows that fancy dress doesn't have to cost a lot and by just raiding my wardrobe I was able to come up with something suitable.

I love being creative and now I will have to turn my mind to more challenges as this now seems like an anticlimax now. A bit like after I got married. Having organised a lot of things, what was I going to focus on. A lot of energy had gone into planning the wedding, finding bargains and searching the internet had been thrilling.

I just have to see what comes up next. I love my life despite the trials I face along the way. Would I swap it for something else? NO!

I am far more challenged doing what I am doing and achieving that I can't imagine going back to the way my life used to be. I am meeting wonderful people along the way and facing challenges I thought I would never attempt let alone complete.

What will be my next challenge? I have no idea right now but knowing me it won't be long before I find something else to meet my needs.

I feel so different from this morning. The worry of was I up to the challenge and would it go all right has gone. I suppose that is how a professional performer feels before they go out on stage.

I could have chickened out this morning and notified the club I wasn't up to it, but I know right now I would have been thinking what a missed opportunity this would have been and anything is worth attempting even if I hadn't finished at least I would have tried.

I suggested to someone they should be in the pool with me when they hinted I should be swimming faster. Their reply had been

"I have a war wound on my leg which prevents me swimming". My retort was

"I have more scars than you and I am doing it".

"I will have to think of some other excuse next time won't I" he replied.

Thinking to myself "too right".

I am now tired and going to sleep and hope my cough goes away soon as it frightens Missi our cat. The reason for this is it sounds like a dog barking at times. I try and comfort her to let her realise it is me but she gets worried and hides. Eventually she comes out from her hiding place for a fuss and of course food.

She is currently lying on the windowsill making lots of noise at a magpie which is annoying her. Yet, if we let her out she soon comes back in luckily with no dead animals. I think she is more mouth than action.

I just have to trawl through my sponsor sheets and work out who has paid what and keep track of amounts. I feel so privileged to have been given the opportunities I have had and without asking friends, family and contacts I would never have raised the amount I have. So a big THANK YOU to all those who supported me in this event.

Best wishes to everyone.

Fee x

The Challenge Looms

2010-05-22T23:44:00.003+01:00

I have had a hectic week preparing for the sponsored swim, attending my usual activities and getting organised for various hospital appointments next week.

I just hope I can do the swim and be proud of my achievements tomorrow. That is my one goal that I truly wish to complete.

Am I nervous? Yes. Why? Members of the club will be watching me and I don't want to let anyone down.

Whatever I turn my hand to I try and do my very best at. I always try to give 100%. Sometimes circumstances mean this is not able to be achieved and I have to be realistic.

I really hope that things go well tomorrow.

All I can do now is rest and prepare as best I can for the event.

I am trying not to worry too much about what I have no control over.

Writing is the same, the challenges are the same and the doubts of will I be good enough to get published or complete the task I set myself.

Life certainly is busy and very fulfilling.

Best wishes to everyone and I promise to keep you posted as to how the swim goes.

Fee

Inspiration

2010-05-19T18:10:00.002+01:00

I came across a regular columnist in able magazine and discovered she has a blog at http://buggeringonwards.blogspot.com/ . Lorraine really deserves a mention on my blog as without reading her column I would never have sent my first letter to able magazine and had it accepted.

I haven't got a letter in this time as I was under the weather when the last magazine came out and nothing had got my blood boiling to respond to either so that was that.

This year is not going as I planned it would but heyho that is life and I just have to get on with it somehow.

Hospital appointments are just around the corner so this means a really busy week next week with lots of journeys and various consultants to see.

I will also be taking a break in Wales visiting friends who I haven't seen for a while so when I return my batteries should be recharged with energy and hopefully I will be able to write a lot more too.

I just need to find the motivation not inspiration.

Best wishes to everyone.

Fee

Practice makes perfect

2010-05-17T11:24:00.003+01:00

Dear all,

For those of you who want to know how my swimming challenges are going please read the following link http://fee-takingtheplunge.blogspot.com/ . I am so grateful to Wrekin Writers who have offered me so much support not only with my writing but the other challenges I face throughout my life.

Saturday proved an interesting session at the writing group as good old Simon Whaley gave us a recipe demonstration on writing. His magic bowl produced some wonderful letters of how to initially get published. Thank you Simon for your inspiration and words of wisdom.

The sponsored swim is looming fast upon the horizon. Will I do it? We will all have to wait and see. If last night is anything to go by I should manage it providing I don't daydream in the deep end see Taking The Plunge post.

With wonderful support from my husband I am achieving many things. Sometimes I set my sights too high and hit disappointment but the main thing is I try.

I am still busy with my charity work and this Saturday coming should see me dressed up in Shrewsbury Square raising awareness of Cancer Research UK Relay for Life taking place on the 11th and 12th September this year at London Road Sports Centre, Shrewsbury.

I have lots of things keeping me occupied right now so blogging is slow but steady.

I will keep you posted as to more news next week.

Best wishes

Fee

Reflection

2010-05-10T20:50:00.004+01:00

I am feeling exhausted right now and so appears to be my inspiration for writing.

I feel that things flow better when a good frame of mind occurs and depression, fatigue, or other moods hit then my writing is affected. I am not suffering writers block far from it just sheer exhaustion.

Lack of sleep, pain, bureaucracy and other factors are having a major impact on my life my write now and priorties have to be given to whatever is needed most.

Each time I pull myself up out of the slump something else seems to be coming along and blocking my recovery. I am completely unsure as to why my life has a habit of being like this but I know in time like I have before I will bounce back better than ever. The question is WHEN?

Bureaucracy is a major factor and trying to get one department talking to another seems to be an alien world but I am gradually breaking down these barriers.

I am prioritising meetings that matter most to me. Putting off what isn't really important and trying to concentrate on ME for the first time ever in my life.

I am still going to try and achieve my goal of the sponsored mile swim on the 23rd May as I have set my heart on trying to achieve something this year.

My plans to go to Westminster again this year are on the back burner, the writer's retreat is impossible for me this year with other financial restraints.

The new year dawned with me wanting to achieve so much. Nearly half the year has gone by and half of what I wanted to achieve has gone by the by. This is all through no fault of my own other than horrid circumstances and bad weather.

Now June is looming with yet another operation date so everything else is being put off until I see how that relates to the rest of the year.

I am trying to be realistic and so positive too. I daren't put my name forward for too much this year in case I can't make it and feel as though I am letting others down. I much prefer to say I don't know rather than a certain I can and I will.

At last my hospital folders have been sorted out into which hospital and who deals with what. I have two A4 lever arch files one for the local hospital trust the other for the orthopaedic hospital near Gobowen.

So at just a turn of a page I know who last saw me when and if I need a follow up.

This also makes it easier for when the DWP want proof of my medical conditions which happens frequently. I hope they don't want to see my scars ever again as this happened in November 2007. I have had enough of bureaucracy.

So onwards and upwards solving problems along the way not only for now but for those that follow in these footsteps to make life a little easier than what feels like an uphill struggle.

As I am exhausted I am off to bed (the sofa!!) so goodnight one and all sleep tight and god bless.

Love from Feex

Why I love Writing

2010-04-24T21:16:00.003+01:00

You never know what is around the corner. Well I certainly didn't this year has been a roller coaster in more ways than one but my writing is surprising me in many ways.

I had forgotten I had sent some helpful advice to someone via Your Cat magazine, little did I realise they would also print these tips in Cat Chat. I had no idea until yesterday that this had been accepted and won something. I hadn't got past the first page of the magazine when it had arrived so hadn't even spotted the little paragraph printed with my name by it.

Then Take a Break have printed something in this week's edition so every week and month is producing little surprises of things I have sent off and forgotten about.

Bureaucracy is still causing me problems but heyho the ups and downs of life. The car knows its own way to the hospital and Wednesday

With various appointments coming up thick and fast and some wondering when the next lot are going to arrive through the post my life is full of awe and wonder.

I am still following the advice that Simon Whaley gave about treating my writing like a relationship. In my life I have six different relationships. My wonderful husband, my cat, my writing, sport, friends and hospital. Trying to fit time in for everything is a juggling act but I know I can't neglect any of my relationships. Each relationship has its own importance on my life and the impact the decisions I make will have various consequences on the way things will turn out.

Life is strange but so is my writing. Looking back on what I achieved last year and what I am achieving without even thinking I must do this that or the other is amazing.

That is why I love my writing life so much.

Best wishes to everyone

Feex

Time

2010-04-20T18:02:00.002+01:00

Oh dear where has the time gone it is well over a month since I lasted visited my blogs.

What have I been doing?

As ever life is always full of ups and downs and I seem to be on a merry go round.

First of all my most important achievement I managed to get letter of the Week in The News of The World on the 21st March 2010. This should reveal a cheque for £75. So for those that doubt letter writing is useful or can earn you anything this will prove you wrong, give it a go and see what you can achieve.

I have had my usual ups and downs of hospital appointments and this has resulted in some news which I didn't want to hear but I will have to tolerate just the same. I am now going to go into hospital for yet another operation on the 25th June this time it is going to be on my left hip which involves and arthroscopy and biopsy. If successful this will mean a left hip replacement later this year.

On a more positive note before the operation on the 25th June I hope to undertake a sponspored swim of a mile to raise money for the swimming club I help out at and at the same time raise money for the costs of the first stage of becoming a swimming coach.

I have a friend who I attend swimming with on Sunday evenings and he has agreed to support me with this venture by undertaking it with me.

When I went swimming on Sunday evening I managed to achieve 50 lengths in under an hour. A mile is 80 lengths and with what I managed to achieve on Sunday this is certainly possible and gives time for a break in between the sessions.

So I am well on the way to achieving my dreams.

Best wishes to everyone.

Fee

Opening The Mind

2010-03-20T07:00:00.002Z

I recently attended the disability forum at the local council. This really opened my mind up to other people's difficulties when coping with various disabilities.

I nearly didn't attend as I have felt so tired since the operation on the 4th March but I pushed myself to go and I am glad I did.

There were several people with hearing loss and they were explaining the difficulties they have when using taxis. When looking at my own experience of using taxis I could understand their difficulties. More often than not a taxi firm will telephone the number that has booked them to let them know the car is about to approach the customer. When the car does arrive the driver (not always) will sound his horn. Think of this from someone who is deaf - how can they hear the telephone ring or the sound of the horn? The solution is for taxi drivers to text customers that they are arriving this way they will feel their mobile phone vibrate and know that the taxi is approaching.

To inform a taxi driver where they are going there needs to be a card system which the customer can write on to let the taxi know where they wish to be taken and can ask how much the fare is. The driver then would write on the card letting the customer know that he has understood their instructions and how much the fare is.

I also found a deaf lady who has had similar surgery to myself and wishes to go swimming. This will mean an interpreter will have to attend the swimming sessions but that is not a problem as I have a friend who has learnt British Sign Language and is willing to help with this issue.

I wish I had been taught British Sign Language at school that way there would not be the barrier there is for deaf people to be understood. It would have also made me more aware of their needs and how to help overcome their difficulties coping with such a disability.

I am so lucky in so many ways.

I have wonderful friends and various skills I can utilise to help others.

Best wishes to everyone.

Fee

On The Mend

2010-03-13T19:47:00.003Z

After last week's traumas out of the way I am now able to blog again.

The operation on both my eyes is now complete. I am unable to go swimming for four weeks so have itchy fingers and excess energy to utilise somehow or so I thought.

I am extremely tired not surprising really I suppose after what I have endured over the years.

A friend who has had the same surgery as myself is going through a hard time at present so we are both helping each other through the ups and downs of life. My worst fears came to fruitition when the car went wrong the week of the operation but luckily with back up plans in place this friend drove both myself and my husband to hospital.

One good turn deserves another so last week when her son went to the doctors and was advised to attend hospital we didn't hesitate to support her through that and return the favour as she didn't have transport at the time.

The cheque arrived from The Sun yesterday (still pinching myself).

Even though I can't go in the water at the local pool I even managed to attend last night to show my face and offer what support I could to the local swimming club.

Today has been hectic at home with rewiring being undertaken. Further problems were discovered with three light fittings in the house and one socket which will be undertaken at a later date.

Today I had a smile on my face as Able Magazine arrived and yet again another letter was published this time with a photograph. So I seem to have found a regular outlet for my writing.

My husband can't wait to show it to his mother tomorrow. He is so proud of my achievements to date.

I will get into the swing of writing again soon when I feel stronger at least I am on the mend.

Best wishes to you all.

Fee

I've Finally Done It - Hooray

2010-02-26T23:27:00.002Z

I hope you are all sitting down when you read this post.

This morning I opened a national newspaper namely "The Sun" and turned to the letters page. I often do this to see if I have been lucky enough to get a letter or two published.

Well to my amazement I didn't notice my letter until I looked to see what had won letter of the day and the £50 that comes with this pleasure and there it was for all to see. My emailled letter sent while watching News at Ten and I had a bee in my bonnet about two main news items. So instead of just sitting staring at the television ranting as some people do I emailled off my rant in coherent language and hey presto I achieved a result.

Patience is a virtue and like a spider I just tried and tried again to get a letter printed.

The more you do something the better you get with practise and experience.

Who knows what the rest of the year will bring but this is one success I will not forget.

Thank you Wrekin Writers for all your support and encouragement.

This boost will help me through the turbulent week I face next week.

Tonight has been helpful too as I went to the local swimming club where I volunteer as a poolside helper. I now know I am an asset to the club and am starting to fit in well.

The business cards arrived Thursday morning and have been well received. I dropped some off at the hospital today in time for clinic day on Monday.

So being organised certainly helps.

The house looks like a bomb has hit it right now as the shower is finally getting revamped after months of not being able to utilise it.

The bathroom mirror is currently on the living room floor and Missi now thinks we have another cat. This is hilarious to watch as she keeps walking around it to find the cat. Unlike previous cats I have owned she isn't bounding up to it sideways with a bushy tail she seems to accept that there is something strange happening in this house.

I suppose living with me must be very strange for her!!

Missi is a very caring cat and worries when anything happens to either of us. The other night my darling husband choked for a short while. During this episode Missi looked through the bannisters to see what was going on but kept a distance as she was concerned.

We had already seen this behaviour in early January when I was taken ill but not before for Steve. Now we know she cares for us equally and vice versa.

My writing is being spurred on by her company. I am going to take it easy the next week or so but hope that the success today will spur me on to achieve even greater things.

I have lots of projects keeping me busy right now and will update you all as to progress soon.

Best wishes to you all.

Feex

SAS is Born!!

2010-02-23T12:09:00.003Z

Swimming After Surgery (SAS) is born today. Hooray.

Just got to wait for the business cards to arrive and distribute them.

I can't wait to see them in real life.

After a sleep disturbed night I have finally succeeded in coming up with a name which covers everyone.

Who knows where this idea will lead.

The training for my swimming coaching is on hold until I know where I am after the operation. Still trying to find funding for this but I don't think it will be too much of a problem with my get up and go.

Things will just take longer than I expected or wanted but that is my life a roller coaster ride shame I am not at a theme park enjoy the ups and downs but heyho I am happy and pleased with what I have achieved so far.

Will just have to learn to take it easier next week hence the rush this week to see everything come to fruitition.

So there is no stopping this mad woman from charging around right now.

What with complicated knitting patterns being furiously completed before next week and other things that need good eyesight to be finished off this lady is certainly going to be busy before she finally puts her feet up on a trolley bed.

Not too sure what next Friday will bring but will keep you posted as to progress.

I am upbeat and positive no doubt I will have the anaesthetist's team in hysterics as usual. One day someone walked past the door where I was being prepared and asked "Are you sure that is a patient in there?" As there was so much laughter going on.

Onwards and upwards.

Best wishes to you all.

Feex

Good News

2010-02-22T19:05:00.002Z

After attending the local breast cancer support group and getting some feedback I followed the advice and contacted the breast cancer care nurses today as I knew they would be around with it being clinic day.

On hearing my idea they are thrilled about it and will help me in anyway they can. This is boosting my confidence.

I then went off to my pre-operative assessment today. Good job it is laser eye surgery being undertaken under general anaesthetic else I would have to be an in-patient. Yippee I will be a day case on the 4th March.

On my return I checked the answerphone and there was a message from the breast cancer unit wanting to help me further with the swimming group idea.

So in less than three weeks things are kicking off and there is no holding me back.

No matter what I am determined, positive and strong willed.

Hopefully the next two weeks will be filled with more good news.

Just got to think of a suitable name for the swimming group so that flyers can be produced.

So watch this space for more updates.

Best wishes

Fee

Can You Help me or someone you know?

2010-02-21T10:41:00.002Z

Dear All,

I am looking for ladies in the area of Shropshire who have had breast surgery to help them overcome any confidence issues they have about going swimming. If you know of anyone no matter what their age, whether they have had a lumpectomy, partial mastectomy, mastectomy or double mastectomy there is help and assistance with these issues.

I had this idea just over two weeks ago. The Telford and Wrekin Council have a County Swimming Officer who I have been in contact with. They are more than happy to assist in helping set up this group and have even earmarked a swimming pool near Wellington for the initial sessions as it would give more privacy.

These sessions would take post March if I can get enough interest.

If you know of anyone please put them in touch with me or ask them to contact the council who will be more than happy to assist.

Thank you all for your support.

Best wishes
Fee

Postivity Reigns Hooray

2010-02-21T10:18:00.004Z

Thank you Wrekin Writers for making my day

yesterday. I knew the competition existed but

had no idea I would get placed. I just tried my

best sending out letters, a poem to a website, articles to another website and playing with my tools which are my computer and my keyboard. Don't trust me with a pen and paper I can never read it back.

It reminds me of my shorthand days at college struggling to make the images make sense. Yes I am that old.

I even started out typing on a manual typewriter and when it came to the exams in the second year for which we had training with electronic ones half the group took the manual typewriters upstairs to the exam room. Now new technology is a major part of my life although I don't have an Apple, Ipod, MP3 player and the like I just have my old faithfull pc standing on a desk in amongst all the junk of what we class as the "spare room".

I have learnt a lot of the over the last twelve months with Wrekin Writers, giving things a go even when the words of "what is the point, I can't do that". I gave it a go and hey presto look what I have achieved so far.

I have picked up lots of tips from various different sources and have taken most of them on board. I am not good at retaining all the information but the majority sticks with me.

Most importantly a quote from SW (he will know from this who I am referring to) "If you send your work out somebody will read it" whether it gets published or not I give it a go.

My wonderful supportive husband telephoned his mother as soon as I returned from the meeting yesterday she was thrilled to bits.

Not as thrilled as I was when Di presented me with my prize. For those that have read my other blog http://pawsforthought-fee.blogspot.com/ you will understand the thought behind the prize.

I really look forward to the writing group meetings as not only do I get to meet wonderful supportive people but I forget about my own reality.

Writing is also an escape route from problems.

Who knows what will happen this year but whatever it is I will always give something a go no matter how daunting the challenge ahead.

Best of luck to you all you writers out there and for those that have never considered themselves writers give it a go and who knows what you could achieve.

Well done to Julie http://jlpwritersquest.blogspot.com/ and Jan for their successes too.

Best wishes to you all.

Love

Feex

I am Coping (Just)

2010-02-10T10:50:00.002Z

Why haven't I blogged for a while.

As some of you may know by now my life never goes to plan.

My plan this year was to return to work. This has not happened for various reasons unfortunately and through no fault of my own.

Having had various bouts of ulcerative colitis knocking me off my feet and even hospitalising me on one occasion I have felt rather run down.

Last week I woke up with black dots in front of my right eye (the same one that had laser eye surgery to repair a torn retina in September last year) so we telephoned the eye department to let them know. I should have been followed up after the laser surgery in clinic but this did not happen unfortunately.

I therefore had two visits to the Eye Department last Wednesday evening and Thursday afternoon. I was so up beat on Thursday thinking this is just a check up and that I could cope with the floaters (black dots). Just before we left the clinic I was informed I am to undergo laser eye surgery on both eyes next month. The right eye is to have the bleeding torn retina repaired again and the left eye is for a lattice (not sure what this is).

So it is a matter of waiting for pre-op assessment.

I am busy campaigning meanwhile to help others with lymphoedema so that when they are in hospital there is not a two hour argument over a needle going into an affected limb. The solution to me seems simple. Give patients with lymphoedema a green wrist band to put on the affected limb, that way staff will know not to insert any needles into that limb.

Having attended the Cancer Forum yesterday I was going to wait and bring this up at the next meeting but another lady also had issues regarding lymphoedema so that got me on the soap box. So I feel something positive is happening.

On Monday I attended the hospice (don't worry I am not going anywhere yet) this is where lymphoedema patients are currently treated with Manual Lymphatic Drainage (MLD) as this service is not available in either hospital in Shrewsbury or Telford.

One blessing on going to the hospice is that there are no car parking charges at these premises HOORAY.

I am now awaiting a support vest to arrive to treat the lymphoedema down my torso.

My mother says I was born awkward and stayed awkward. In some ways I agree.

When I last saw my GP I said "If I was a dog I would be put down by now". He laughed but agreed.

I had hoped to keep away from the breast consultant until July but unfortunately this is not the case. I am due to be seen under the "two week rule" so yet again awaiting hospital appointment to come through.

I am trying to remain upbeat and positive about everything, keeping busy helping others and campaigning.

There are some days when it is hard going but I know there are others out there far worse off than me. I think things happen to me for a reason and that as I am an outspoken person wanting to change things for the better that this is why I am here.

At the forum yesterday someone asked "is there any part of you not affected by anything?"

My husband piped up "Yes, her mouth".

This made everyone laugh.

I am laughing too. It is laughter that is the best medicine right now.

Best wishes to you all.

Love

Fee

Easy Knit Patterns

2010-01-30T14:05:00.003Z

Anyone looking for free knitting patterns for babies then look no further than this link. http://www.bbc.co.uk/stoke/my_pages/babywear/hkp/028.shtml

I have knitted the above blanket several times with or without the lace border. It is easy and cheap to make.

I make them for friends and even raffled some off at the raffle we held at our wedding evening reception.

So for those stuck indoors wanting some inspiration of what to do I thought I would post this.

Best wishes to you all.

Fee

No Wonder I dread doing this!

2010-01-30T11:52:00.002Z

I learned a lot last night at the Poolside Helpers Course. I certainly had my eyes opened to a lot of things.

When I was young we were taught swimming at school. One of the methods was a huge metal hoop on a long handle. I expect some of you may remember seeing these at a swimming pool you may have used over the years.

The use of these was for the swimmer to hold onto or be put in the middle of the hoop as they swam around the swimming pool. After a while the teacher would remove it. If the person learning to swim didn't realise it had gone it was fine. However, if the person swimming in the pool did realise they panicked and went under water.

The best way to teach anyone no matter what age to swim is to get them used to the swimming pool area first. Remember there are a lot of strange noises and smells for them to become accustomed to. Once they start to relax then gently coax them into the pool. Once this is achieved and they are in the shallow end get them to bob up and down. If they are unsure of this hold their hands and do it with them.

To get them adjusted to the water and not to scare them ask them to put blow bubbles in the water (DO NOT tell them to put their face under water as this will worry them). By making it fun the fear goes.

I still dislike my face going underwater as when I was taught to put my head underwater I was told to hold my nose. This made me fear the water going up my nose and I still have this fear today. I overcome this with a nose clip. If I had been taught the blowing bubble method perhaps I would not be so afraid.

Playing in the water is the best way to start swimming as once happy playing in the water every step of swimming can be fun.

Once a person is happy blowing bubbles in the water the next step is get them to wave at you while standing up. Then gradually get them to do this going under the water. This again takes the fear away and the person being taught is not holding their nose.

Now I understand my fear of going underwater more I will try and make my swimming much more fun and play at it. Instead of making it a task.

So much for the theory of chucking a person in at the deep end. This may put off a person swimming for life. After all swimming is a life skill. I am so glad I have learnt to swim and I hope that my journey from now on will encourage others to take part in a sport everyone no matter what age or disability can enjoy.

Best wishes

Fee

Are you Looking to Change Your Life?

2010-01-29T23:06:00.002Z

Yes I am. I am looking to be healthier, happier and motivated to achieve my goals.

What am I doing to achieve these? I had a visit from Health Trainers this week, they do home visits or you can attend a centre if you wish. It is a free service run by the NHS. They weighed me. Good news since the beginning of January I have lost half a stone. However, I still have a high BMI of 30, this should be lower. What can I do to change things?

First of all make sure I get three meals a day. I am not very good at this. I started well today. I had a poached egg on brown toast for breakfast. I had a baked potato and salad for lunch. I had half what I normally have for tea rather than a whole tin to myself I had half a tin. I have eaten fruit and drunk some fruit juice.

One warning I have received is don't count 5 portions of fruit as your five a day as they are full of sugar too. So I am doing well when I wrote my daily behaviour sheets today. No snacks at all in between meals. The ladies who visited me also checked how much alcohol intake I have per week and if I smoked. Good news, I don't drink much alcohol so that is not a worry. I have never smoked so that is ok. It is just diet and exercise we need to concentrate on.

What do I need to change I need to do vigorous exercise? I know I do disability sports and swimming but this is not enough to get me out of breath after ten minutes. What I will do is four very fast lengths when I first go into the pool and then take it more slowly and swim lengths the rest of the time.

So I am being positve, trying to achieve my goals, aims and dreams.

The Health Trainers Scheme is not a short quick fix. It is a slow realistic plan. They also recommend various gym courses and exercise programmes to suit the client.

Good luck if any of you have plans for the New Year. Go for your goals and achieve them.

Best wishes

Fee

I Have Done It

2010-01-29T22:17:00.003Z

I have now completed the first step of my journey to become a swimming coach.

This means I will receive a certificate in about six weeks time.

The next step has been taken I have ordered the text books I require to embark on the next level of training.

This will involve actually getting in the pool and have demonstrations. I can't wait to find out when the next course is and get stuck in. In the meantime I now await the textbooks.

I have made some new friends and the course has certainly opened my eyes to hazards around the pool and in it.

Best wishes

Fee

Sharing an Experience

2010-01-27T20:25:00.003Z

I met up with a friend who has had similar surgery to myself.

We are both over the first year of the operation and hurdles have had to be overcome in many ways.

My friend is going to tackle a hurdle I myself have already crossed. It is to go swimming for the first time since the operation.

In January 2008 I bought a specialist swimming costume. However, in June 2008 I finally plucked up courage to take the plunge.

I fully understand the feelings my friend is coping with. No one can force her to swim, she has to decide herself.

Once the decision is made as to when she wants to go swimming, she knows she can count on me to go with her and help her through such a traumatic time.

The first thing to be done will be to decide whether to borrow a specialist swimming costume or purchase one. Then I will telephone the chosen venue to make arrangements to make the transition easier.

After the swimming session, I know a few days later m friend will look at her swim wear, bikinis etc and decide what she wants to keep and what she can't wear. When I did this I sobbed.

My wonderful husband supported me through this trauma. He asked me if he could do it for me. The answer was a resounding NO as it was something I just had to do for myself.

I have told her I am there for her, no matter what her needs, whether it be a visit, a telephone call, or some support in any way I can.

One thing I discovered is, it is hard to cope with these things on your own but once someone hear that others have been through it, thoughts of "if they can do it so can I" come into one's head.

I wish I hadn't had to learn these things on my own but I have and did.

Now to be able to offer the support I never had to someone who really needs it is a wonderful feeling.

Also knowing who to contact to get the support needed and finding this information is the most difficult thing. I just wish there was a one stop shop for this but at present there isn't.

That is why I am doing the training course I have embarked on so that others in the same boat as me can cope better knowing there are others out there who care and realise what they are feeling. Other courses will follow I hope so that I can achieve my goals.

It is doing something positive that is keeping me going right now.

Best wishes to you all.

Fee

Star Signs

2010-01-26T12:10:00.002Z

I know some of you will think I have gone off my trolley. Perhaps I have but something in someone else's blog got me thinking about star signs. This particular person is a gemini.

With my mother being this star sign - meaning twins and myself being part of the only set of twins in our family it is something that intrigues me.

I therefore looked up both my star sign and that of my mother, which also happens to be the same as my husband (Gemini). My father is also the same star sign as me.

On looking both star signs up. Gemini are like minded souls with Libra. Yet Libra has a perfect partner in Gemini. (strange that life doesn't always work out according to stars, but there was an explanation further down the page of the website I found Gemini's are overtaken by curiousity. (more like grass is greener on the other side scenario). This does not apply to my current life I am pleased to say.

Sometimes I feel like a cat with many lives. I count the past as one life and this present relationship/marriage as my second life. Neither of which have been boring. Challenging definitely but life is full of challenges which I face head on.

There are times when I feel I could run away from all my problems but I expect we all feel like that at times.

This is the link I got the information about both star signs from http://www.kellystarsigns.com/starsigns/libra.aspx -take a peek and see what you find out about yourselves if you wish.

I warn you not everything applies to all as in "ONE SIZE DOES NOT FIT ALL".

When I read out the information to my husband about his star sign he agreed with some things and not others.

It certainly made us smile and gave us a giggle.

Nothing like trying to analyse yourselves and trying to work out how others view you. It certainly opened my eyes.

Best wishes

Fee

Art or Writing

2010-01-24T21:34:00.003Z

I met an artist in Church Stretton today. It was a chance meeting.

For the first time in ages I joined my husband in a drink at a public house before visiting my mother in law. We do this occasionally as a treat. I had a small sherry and sat down to enjoy the moment. As I sat down the lady at the table next to us got up and went to the bar, placed an order while the gentleman with her shouted a comment to her. Apparently she hadn't heard what he had said to her about what he wanted. He then made a comment about women multi-tasking. I was intrigued by what he said and banter started up between us.

He said that he was considering enforced early retirement. I then told him I was already in that position and didn't like not doing anything during the day so had turned my hand to helping others and doing charity work.

He then commented that "you haven't sorted out your own life yet". No truer word said in jest. I know I haven't sorted out my own life yet, but that is what life is a journey and if it was sorted out it wouldn't be such a challenge.

It was then I asked him what he did for a job. He told me he is an artist. I told him I am writing. He then informed me I had the hardest job of the two. I looked puzzled. Explanation followed. Once a picture is in a frame everyone can see it and judge it. Writing:- Everyone has to read it before they can accept what has been written. If a book cover doesn't attract a reader the book may not get read. If a picture is admired it gets purchased.

I thought about this long and hard. In some ways he is right. Surely this is the job of the publisher to ensure what someone has written will sell to a particular market.

Am I disheartened? Not at all. I am more determined than ever to improve on my writing skills to ensure that whatever I write people will want to read.

So watch this space.

Best wishes

Fee

A Spring in my step

2010-01-24T21:12:00.002Z

I have had another letter published in the national press today.

I have also been swimming tonight and thoroughly enjoyed my time in the pool. Last night I went to the same pool and it was really quiet. Tonight however, was packed and it was a fight to get a space to do lengths.

With about half an hour to the end of the session the pool quietened down again and finally there was more space to swim.

Last night's swimming session had been spoilt for me. Even though the pool was being used by so few people a couple decided to take over one side of the pool for themselves. Each time I did a length both of them got in my way and I had to move around them. Then when I set off again they kicked water in my face, yet prior to this they had been standing the shallow end chatting. Some people have no consideration for others.

To avoid further upset I moved to another side of the pool and practised swimming on my back with Steve letting me know each time I was reaching either side of the pool.

I can float really well on my back but my arms need a lot of work. I have therefore purchased some aqua weights for my arms while I swim. Once my arms are built up in strength I can then use these for my legs and keep my leg movement as much as possible.

Today I have felt so much better, the lighter evenings, the sun shining seems to have made me mellow. This week, we plan to empty all the kitchen cupboards (one at a time) sort and clean stuff out. I am hoping that old stuff will get binned and what is suitable kept clean and tidy. I know what this is called Spring Cleaning.

After the kitchen cupboards, the drawers will be next and then the fridge.

Hopefully these plans will work, but we all know what can happen to plans. Something else can come along and take precedence.

Best wishes to everyone and enjoy the Spring.

Fee

Trying Something New

2010-01-22T21:34:00.002Z

I have just got home after 4 hours at my local swimming pool. No, I haven't been swimming for this length of time. In fact I haven't even been in the water.

What have I been doing then? I have started one part of a two part course to become a pool side helper.

I have learnt a lot tonight, like how to signal front crawl by putting my hands out in front of me and waggling them palm side up. To demonstrate back stroke the hands are palm side down. Strange concept, no not really when you realise this is the way the feet are in position when doing these strokes. Mystery solved.

Not only that we all went pool side to see what hazards and risks there are when children are in the pool and around it. There were a lot.

This really opened my eyes and I am so glad I have started this course.

I have learnt a lot so far and can't wait for next week now the nerves have gone. Just hope I can pass the examination next week.

Best wishes

Fee

I am Back

2010-01-21T11:27:00.002Z

Well what have I been doing for the last few days.

On Monday we went to Kent for a funeral. When we set off the side roads were clear of ice but when we got to the main roads to our surprise and horror there was a sheet of ice. Luckily my husband kept the car under control despite the fact we ended up on the wrong side of the road, luckily no other cars were coming our way.

We had at this point thought of it got much worse of turning round and heading home.

On reaching the M54 it was really congested with traffic and we on that road for nearly an hour then we went on to the M6 again really busy. While being stuck in a queue we put the radio on to listen to traffic news.

It was then we decided to change our route.

So we headed for the M1 and then the Dartford Tunnel Crossing. This turned out to be a good decision.

We got to the crematorium in plenty of time thank goodness. I hate being late for anything and get anxious about this.

At the wake Steve told his cousins that I ensure we leave in plenty of time to be on time for things. His cousins agreed with my sentiments entirely and I felt at ease as this was the first time I had met them.

We then left at about 4pm and got home at 8.30pm.

Tuesday I was exhausted and knowing I had a looming hospital appointment this was at the back of my mind.

Tuesday night I managed to get to Stafford for the disability sports I participate in.

Considering I haven't done any of these for well over four weeks I had a good start to the year.

Yesterday I went to hospital for what I thought was going to be a straight forward check up and obtain two new asthma inhalers (I was diagnosed with this in November 2008) and thought that would be the appointment.

Well the consultant listened to my cough, told me the TB tests were clear and that apparently I do not have asthma. He could do nothing else for me apart from refer me to an ENT consultant as he now thinks I have a blockage at the back of my nose and throat and this is causing me to cough.

On claiming back the car parking charges after the appointment the clerk at the desk heard me coughing and said "that sounds nasty". I explained that was why I had attended the hospital and that I had had it for so long. She asked if it hurt my sides with coughing. I explained it does. In November 2008 when I was first examined by my own GP I was at home in bed, my back had locked with the coughing and my chest really hurt.

Now to find out that what I thought was a condition I could cope with the uncertainty is now sinking in.

I will visit my own GP next week as I know it takes a couple of days for letters to reach him from the hospital. So would prefer him to have the full picture before I see him.

So I have to wait for the ENT referral which the consultant advised could be four months from now.

So the waiting game is now on. My wonderful husband is concerned as to what could be causing this cough. I am trying not to worry too much and put on a brave face with it all as one of my other friends has said no point worrying until I have to.

In the meantime I am getting on with my life as best as I can. I will be off to Stafford again tonight and I am determined to keep up the good start I made on Tuesday.

As for writing The New Writer arrived today. I am hoping the negativity in my life will disappear and that I will find inspiration to keep going.

So today is going to be spent reading that magazine and my other books that I use.

So fingers crossed now this year is going to improve and I will feel better with myself and my writing.

I just have to take the plunge and try new things.

Best wishes to you and above all else good luck with writing ventures.

Fee

Taking the Plunge

2010-01-17T19:39:00.002Z

Well I know I said I wasn't going to blog much over the next couple of days so I am making up for it now.

Tonight I plucked up the courage and went swimming for the first time this year. Having had a break for over three weeks, I was a bit apprehensive.

My darling husband telephoned the leisure centre we use to ensure that the swimming session was still on. Relief it was. So having packed the swimming bag and put it in the car, my husband came back in to fetch me.

We arrived in plenty of time at the leisure centre but things did not start well. In his hurry to pack my wonderful husband had forgotten we needed our flexcards. I was left in the reception area while he drove back to fetch them.

Once he returned we went through to the changing area and I was so excited.

Havig had such a long time away from the pool, I thought I would only manage four lengths. At this point a friend from the pool from last year spoke to me and got me through the pain barrier. He had returned to the pool last week for the first time for a couple of weeks and discovered the same pain barrier himself.

I have no idea how many lengths I completed but I was so thrilled to be back in the pool and had a steady start.

I feel invigorated and am looking forward to disability sports on Tuesday and Thursday. I also have something else to keep me busy this week and next and will tell you more about that in a future post.

Looking out for writing opportunities has also helped me help others. Cats was a topic of conversation tonight and being a passion of mine I wanted to help my friend with his cats.

I am determined to keep as fit as I can this year even if I don't manage to lose weight.

So I have now made a good start, by starting slowly but surely.

Later on this year I hope to be back to the standard of swimming I was in November last year and can't wait to see what time I can do on the swimming side.

No matter what I do, I will do my best but above all else I will enjoy all the challenges ahead.

Best wishes

Fee

Learning in Blogland

2010-01-17T13:25:00.002Z

Well you can imagine my shock this morning when I discovered a very inappropriate comment had been left on a post in my blog. It was in a foreign language and had some English in it too.

In case this happens to anyone else or they wish to delete the comment. Go to the end of the comment and look for the dustbin icon. Click on this and this gives you the opportunity to delete any such comments.

I am not going to be visiting my blog over the next couple of days and will therefore be putting comment moderation on to prevent anyone being offended in my absence.

I am sorry this has happened so please be patient with me.

It is all a learning experience and one I could have done without at this present moment in time.

Please appreciate the situation I am in and accept my apologies for the delay in accepting comments.

I hope everyone understands the circumstances I find myself in.

Best wishes to you all.

Fee

Inspiration

2010-01-16T12:31:00.004Z

With the snow recently the writing meeting today was cancelled.

When I eventually woke up this morning (nearly 10 am) I was a bit down.

This soon turned into I am going to get up no matter what and see what today brings.

Expecting someone to give us a quote for the shower room at 11 am today. Yes it has been a long time ago since the Welsh Dresser arrived and the tiles were stripped off the wall to let it dry out. Things never move very quickly in this house. I get the ideas and spout them and eventually they get acted on.

The door bell rang at 10.30 am. I thought the builder was keen. No it was the postman with two parcels for me.

As you can see from the picture Di had inspired me but so had Writing Magazine with an advert for The Oldie and as I had not been feeling too happy recently treated myself to a subscription of the said magazine with offer of the annual (free) for taking out said subscription.

On opening the annual I discovered this ".............. I hope that readers of this book may feel inspired to try their hand at writing something. I can promise that it will be careful consideration and - if you're lucky - may actually appear in print."

So there you have it. Inspiration to write.

Not only did The Oldie arrive but so did Fast Fiction. This will be read in depth before I try anything.

I know I can write letters, but can I really write short stories? I will see where this leads. I did submit one last year to a competition but even I can see it wasn't good enough against those that got placed.

I will have to improve.

If I don't try I will never know.

I can imagine Sue standing in the workshop the clock saying ten to twelve and saying you have five minutes to do this now get on with itotherwise we won't finish on time. Three, two, one go. Simon would be there with his stop watch timing us all.

I wonder how many of us have books that really inspire us to write. Mine is Jane Wenham Jones "Wannabe a Writer".

Without her tips I would not have had the courage to write so many letters to the national press.

I am lucky to have found such a wonderful supportive group and even though we haven't met up today I am really looking forward to the next meeting.

I hope this post has inspired someone to find some inspiration from somewhere to do some writing, send it off and who knows what we will be reading in the future.

Last night chatting to a young friend of mine, we were talking about Enid Blyton. Now there is someone whose writing was popular and I think still is with all generations as I loved the Noddy annuals, Malory Towers, St Clares, The Famous Five and the mystery books she wrote.

When my husband saw the conversation he hadn't heard of St Clares. I showed him a link to the series and explained what it had been about and why I had loved it.

Who knows I may even get to read the stories again this time with the view of a writer rather than a reader. Now what do I mean by that? I mean how did Enid get the images together so that the reader could gather images in their head to realise the story and get the full impact of it. How does the writer get the reader to relate to the characters?

If this isn't inspiration to write and read I don't know what is.

Anyway I will love and leave you for now while I go bury my head in the annual (to have a good a laugh) and to see if I could write anything for that magazine. Also will try my hand at the fast fiction exercises once I understand what I am meant to be doing.

Best wishes to you all.

Fee

MORE SNOW

2010-01-13T17:02:00.002Z

We went out shopping again today. The plan was to go to Shrewsbury visit various charity shops to obtain a suit for me to wear to a funeral on Monday.

Apart from the side roads in Telford the main roads and pavements in Shrewsbury were clear. There was a bit of congestion due to the gas exlosion on the 3rd January and the affected buildings being cordoned off for safety reasons.

After visiting most of the charity shops in Shrewsbury and finding nothing suitable my wonderful husband took me to the mainstream shops.

Still I found nothing suitable in Shrewsbury but he found a new pair of spectacles (desperately needed due to his current pair being held together with clear tape). Unlike me my other half can purchase spectacles to suit his prescription at a very reasonable price.

We then ventured into Spencers Mall Car Park in Telford. This was quiet for once with only a couple of vehicles parked there. My husband purchased car parking ticket and off we set. Having used my walking poles in Shrewsbury due to many charity shops not having wheelchair access my back and legs were hurting, so we decided to use the "pram" as my wheelchair is affectionately known.

Setting off forwards to start with was ok but we soon hit the ruts. Having been asked by Mike how I cope with the wheelchair in the snow this prompted this post on my blog.

It was easier for my husband to pull me backwards than push forwards along the ruts. Many people passing by smiled at our determination to get to where we wanted to go.

Once on tarmac again the pram was turned around and I was facing foward with my husband pushing me from behind. Felt normal again.

We ventured into a couple of shops. The second one I ventured into I finally found what I had been looking for. Worried about trying it on, my ever patient husband found the fitting rooms and insisted I try the outfit on. To my surprise and delight this store had fitting rooms large enough to accommodate both wheelchair and carer. This made the worry of trying on the suit disappear and I felt quite confident.

There was even a chair/stool suitable for me to sit on so that I could feel at ease trying the clothes on. Having got into the suit and sat down in it, (something I didn't do when I was being fitted for my wedding dress) I knew I was going to feel comfortable all day in the outfit.

I changed back and set off from the changing rooms thanking the staff for their assistance and commented on the facilities there are now available for disabled people.

That was it a shopping trip that was worthwhile and easy for once.

We then had something to eat. After coming out of the restaurant I heard the tail end of a tanoy message informing people to get their car parking tickets validated as Telford Town Shopping Centre will be closed at 4.30 pm.

It was 4.25 pm and we were discussing whether to go grocery shopping or not. There was nothing very urgent we needed so we decided to head for the car and home.

Going to the car proved problematical as new snow had fallen and this had started to freeze. This meant my husband had to turn me round and pull me back to the car as it made the going easier.

That is how we manage in the snow with the wheelchair.

Best wishes to everyone and please take care.

Fee

Disappointment but I understand why

2010-01-11T16:00:00.003Z

Well I have just checked my emails and discovered one I didn't want to read.

The writing group meeting is cancelled this Saturday. I fully understand it is due to the weather and we don't want anyone else getting hurt on the ice and snow.

I had no idea I really look forward to the writers meetings as they encourage me to keep going, try new things and hear what others are up to.

I had even managed to do the Chairman's Challenge and this was a challenge for me, having rewritten the thing a dozen times. Yes I had honestly.

Steve has read what I have done and was impressed with it but to be honest I think he is biased.

Oh well Saturday will be spent doing something else now not sure what. Feel at a loss as I do so look forward to the writing group.

Thanks for letting me know Simon.

Best wishes and please everyone take care out there.

Fee

New Light

2010-01-10T18:44:00.002Z

I went to my mother-in-law's today. Unlike some people's perceptions my mother-in-law is absolutely wonderful.

We were later leaving than normal and ended up watching "Songs of Praise". In this episode they were compariing worship and poetry.

The reverand on this programme had been the keyboard player to The Communards. Strange how one path leads to another.

I was wondering why poetry was mentioned in this programme then it dawned on me that some of the hymns are poems.

It really opened my eyes. What has been written in hymns could also be painted as a picture and the feelings we feel from dark clouds rumbling over our heads.

It just goes to show life is full of art in various forms. Whether it be words painting a picture, tapestries being created, cross stitch of favourite things, everything tells a story.

I wonder where my thoughts will lead and will I ever be able to write a good short story.

My mother-in-law asked how my writing was going. I told her I have been lucky with my letters but lack of confidence is stopping me going any further with articles for national publication or sending short stories out.

It is this lack of confidence I need to get over but knowing I can be successful with letters is something that keeps me going and attempting new things.

Who knows what this year will bring? I have no idea, I know where I will be some days this year as my diary/calendar tells me.

I will face these challenges as best I can.

I am looking forward to attending disability sports in Stafford again in a couple of weeks time.

I am looking foward to the writing meetings this year. Last year I had no idea I could write poetry and thanks to Mike I attempted this.

So a year full of challenges which I am looking forward to.

No matter how tough something seems to be I know I will do my best to overcome the obstacles in my way.

Best wishes

Fee

A strange day with some inspiration

2010-01-09T23:25:00.002Z

This morning my wonderful husband fetched me the post.

This contained two magazines one called ABLE and the other Your Cat.
ABLE magazine is a publication aimed at disabled people but with positive attitudes and focus on what disabled people can do rather than what they can't.

Your Cat is full of ideas of inspiration to motivate my cat, but also motivates me in my writing.

This afternoon we braved the cold and went shopping for provisions in case the gas supply does run out. This involved purchasing a halogen heater. Argos had sold out so don't bother looking there.

The shopping experience did make me nervous as I have a fear of being knocked when venturing out in my wheelchair. I did have a couple of panic attacks but perserved.

While queing in a disabled checkout lane and waiting for able bodied people to be served I got chatting to another wheelchair user. Her idea is anyone who can't be bothered looking where they are going and are likely to hurt someone in a wheelchair is "go get them first". I asked her what she meant and she said "if they don't look where they are going they don't see you coming you can do the damage first before they do it to you; that way they think twice before bashing into you".

This made me smile but made me think is this the right way to solve the problem?

We then ventured back to the car after two hours Yes I did say TWO HOURS of shopping (which is an achievement for me). It had been a successful shopping spree and I was happy.

After unloading the car we went to see some friends. It was here I heard some thought provoking things and it made me realise how lucky I am compared to others.

This will inspire me to write and do more to help others so I am still motivated despite everything that has happened in the last few weeks.

This time last week I was in hospital having a doctor argue with me over the reinserting of a venflon. Tonight I am in the warm, at home with my cat and my wonderful husband.

I am coping with my health condition as well as I can. My plans for this year may already have gone awry but I know I can cope, no matter what life throws at me.

I am counting my blessings tonight and the thing I am most thankful for is the fact that I can write.

Best wishes

Fee

A Wonderful Evening

2010-01-08T23:19:00.003Z

I have just got back from Wolverhampton.

The support group I attend had arranged a visit to Wolverhampton Grand Theatre to see "Cinderella" with the Krankies and Stefan Dennis along with other stars.

I was enthralled but each time the fairy godmother came on, I could picture our own Di Perry as this wonderful positive character. It was so uncanny that at one point I really thought it was Di.

As for the pantomime, Steve bought a programme and during the interval I browsed through it to see who the cast were. One was listed as playing himself. I knew we hadn't seen him in the first half and thought there must have been some mistake or perhaps he would eventually appear.

I was pinching myself when he did eventually appear, he said a few words "Oh Yes" several times and nodded his head and that basically was it. I wonder if anyone can guess who I am referring to from the television adverts.

The Krankies as ever were amazing I don't know when Mrs Krankie gets her energy from.

Their act was so up to date it was completely amazing. There jokes ran into each other all night, no sooner was I laughing from one then the next would appear in quick succession.

There is a gate crasher at the ball wearing black leathers, long hair and the take off of this character was absolutely hilarious.

I was shocked when another well known singer was imitated, but after a while I thought she wouldn't mind what Mrs Krankie had done. I felt quite comfortable with it after a few minutes.

It is strange when you look at humour, sometimes, some things will offend others won't. On the whole they got the balance right and the show kept its motivation.

It has been a great evening and I am looking forward to the pantomime season later this year/early next especially if the Krankies are going to be in it.

I am glad to be home now in the warm but it was worth venturing out in the cold to Wolverhampton tonight to see this performance.

Best wishes to everyone and stay warm, keep well and please don't fall over.

Fee

The Funny Side

2010-01-04T20:47:00.003Z

This is the funny side of hospital life and hope gives everyone a laugh (I hope Mike doesn't laugh too hard).

Patient gets assessed by doctor has venflon inserted in arm and gets sent up to a ward have been assessed for admission.

Once admitted on the ward gets settled down and told to get some sleep while waiting for doctor to arrive.

30 minutes later doctor arrives and assesses patient. Patient's drip bag has run out and needs replacing but doctor hasassess patient's needs.

Doctor looks at patient "You need to sleep, you look exhausted".

Patient settles down to sleep.

5 minutes later nurse comes in to carry out observations.

Nurse then settles patient down to sleep.

Five minutes later replacement drip bag arrives. Patient still desperate to sleep.

30 minutes later breakfast trolley arrives. Patient get's disturbed just as they are dropping off to sleep. "Are you able to eat or are you nil by mouth?"

Patient is completely unsure as to what doctor's requirements are. Breakfast staff go and enquire. Inform patient it is their choice if they eat or not.

Patient too tired to care. Just wants to sleep.

Patient left in peace for a bit.

Drink trolley arrives. Patient asked if they want a drink. patient accepts drink and settles down to sleep.

half an hour later cleaner arrives to clean room.

Patient then gets left to sleep.

A short while later it is a ward round patient gets woken up by doctors to check them over.

All patient wants to do is sleep. Doctors want patient to sleep.

Doctors leave room and say to the patient "You look exhausted get some sleep".

Now you know why patients don't sleep in hospital.

Hope this made someone smile.

Cheered Up

2010-01-04T15:43:00.003Z

It is strange how a person can perk up just by a magazine arriving through the door.

Writing Magazine arrived together with Writers News in their plastic cover. In my excitement to open said issue, my fingers shaking with excitement I managed to obtain a paper cut on my right hand finger OUCH.

I had forgotten what I had submitted to this publication and to my wonderful surprise both letters had been published one in Writing Magazine and the other in Writers News.

I have also read with interest Simon Whaley's article about three very talented members of Wrekin Writers as to how they make time to write.

I only do letters as I know I am good at these and send them off regularly to various newspapers but every little helps boost my confidence.

Still not feeling great but at least my writing has some little output to start the New Year off slowly.

I look like a panda, sat here in my pjs and dressing gown but at least I have sent a couple of letters out and am getting better slowly.

With the magazine arriving today I will most probably find some wonderful inspiration from somewhere to submit something small once again.

Looking forward to my next writing group meeting I hope I can make it as I have finally completed the Chairman's Challenge still hoping to get placed one day (perhaps this will be my year = fingers crossed)

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Love
Fee

Life is Strange

2010-01-03T16:27:00.002Z

I haven't blogged for a short while now. This is explained by a wonderful family Christmas spent at my sister-in-laws and then a spell in hospital which started at home on the 1st January at about 5.30 pm when I felt unwell this went on for a few hours until 1.10 am when I finally collapsed in a heap on the bathroom floor nearly taking the toilet with me. Any excuse to get a new bathroom suite.

This resulted in a bump on the head and an extremely bruised left wrist (paramedics thought I may have broken it) so off I went to hospital.

While in hospital my blood pressure dropped considerably, I was dehydrated and feeling pretty lousy.

Last night on my 3rd bag of fluids my right arm tissued up, this resulted in it being nearly three times the normal size, the tape holding the drip tube against my arm was extremely tight and left a deep mark. My fingers were swollen, slightly blue and numb. This resulted in said drip being removed.

Three hours later a doctor appeared with another venflon to be inserted until he realised he could not insert said needle into left arm due to previous surgery on left side of my body. He checked when I had had said surgery and realised I was correct in informing him no needles could be inserted or blood be taken from that arm.

Phew got away without yet more faffing about with needles and managed to keep my fluid intake up.

Asked this morning when I would be going home. Was informed no chance until Monday morning.

How come, I am blogging now? Well a gas explosion took place in Shrewsbury today and they were clearing the decks ready to take non emergency patients from Shrewsbury so that anyone needing urgent treatment in Shrewsbury would receive it.

This willing volunteer gave up her bed with no problems what so ever. Discharge papers will be sent to GP via post and I am now at home recovering.

All the above scenario due to a severe bout of ulcerative collitis so another hospital check up in two weeks.

One happy little soul happy to be back at home.

Couldn't fault the hospital staff for the way they looked after me, even saw some old friendly faces on the staff. That's what happens when you get to be a regular patient on and off the wards.

Going to rest now and get used to being home feels like I have been away for a week.

Missed Missi like mad.

Best wishes to you all and have a wonderful New Year.

Love Fee

How to beat the Christmas Blues

2009-12-21T18:51:00.002Z

First of all don't get too stressed. Christmas is meant to be quality family time together (yes I know some of you will be going WHAT!!!) others will agree with me.

So what are my top tips for not getting into a tiz over Christmas.

1) Buy a couple of presents each month. This year I was lucky and had all mine bought by middle of October and wrapped them together with labels (unlike last year, so had to undo the lot to work out each lucky recipient's name). By buying a present each month you don't notice a huge wad of money disappearing in one go and it makes it so much easier to cope with.

2)Stick to a budget, there are some wonderful gift ideas either on the internet or discount stores that don't look cheap but are very reasonably priced.

3) No matter how much you spend on someone it is the thought that really counts and if like me you put a lot of thought into who gets what most people are really happy with your choices. If they aren't they can always recycle them or give them to charity. I know someone who recycles presents and by mistake returned the gift to the same person who gave it to them a few years before.

4) Home made is nice but if you don't have the time, inclination or energy shop bought is fine most people don't know the difference and so long as there is food for them to eat they are happy. There is no need to stress about not doing things and putting pressure on what you think someone expects is just not going to ease the tension.

5) To really make Christmas special and less work for yourself and family you could always book a meal out that way no one is left with the chore of washing up. It depends on what everyone else wishes to do but if you each pay for yourselves then the bill gets shared too.

6) Don't build yourself up as to what gifts you will receive. If you don't receive something you wish for you can always try and obtain it in the January sales.

7) Spare a thought for those spending Christmas alone and if you know someone in this position try and send them something small to cheer them up.

8) Don't worry about what to wear at a party the main thing is you were invited for you to turn up not the dress you wear.

9) If you are going away to spend time with family or in-laws take things to keep you occupied like something to read, puzzle books or some games.

10) To prevent the feeling of guilt over how much you eat or drink from your hosts while you are away take some of your favourite food or tipple with you that way the family know you are contributing to having a good time too

I hope these tips help and that everyone has a Merry (HIC) Christmas and Happy New Year.

Best wishes

Fee

Not Feeling Great

2009-12-10T12:52:00.002Z

Dear All,

I have put a post in my other Blog My Not So Positive Life as an explanation as to why I have felt the way I have over the last week.

Perhaps you will understand my feelings.

Best wishes

Fee

A Busy Week only part way through

2009-12-09T10:36:00.002Z

Dear All,

I attended a Disability Forum on Monday and was horrified to hear how some people treat disabled people.

The reason I attend meetings like this is for a positive impact on the local community and hope that things get implemented nationally for the benefit of others.

One thing that made my blood boil was two ladies who attend this meeting are blind and have guide dogs. They use public transport and have great difficulty obtaining assistance from members of the public or staff on these services.

School children are kicking and stamping on their guide dogs whilst they use public transport. These dogs are not pets and without them they could not get about and would be trapped indoors.

I hope that things improve radically in the future so that the people who are doing this stop and realise what impact their actions are having.

I am disgusted to know that these things are taking place and was so appalled I am doing something about it.

The transport providers are being asked to attend the forum on a regular basis so that problems can be addressed and I really hope that this one gets resolved sooner rather than later.

Another issue that comes up regularly is mothers will not collapse their buggies to allow a wheelchair user on a bus or train so that the disabled person can occupy the space allocated for a wheelchair. The wheelchair sign is only guidance at present and until 2016 can not be enforced.

All the drivers can do is patiently ask a mother to put her buggy down if she refuses then the disabled person cannot access their chosen mode of transport thus resulting in them being left behind at the bus stop.

Years ago it was second nature to give up a seat to a disabled person without being asked now it seems it has to be leglislated upon. This nation seems so full of bureaucracy and red tape that many disabled people feel discriminated against and just don't have the fight in them to beat the bureaucrats.

I am searching for ways around the guide dog situation and how to stop it, if anyone has any ideas please let me know.

Best wishes

Fee

ANOTHER COMPUTER VIRUS WARNING

2009-12-08T11:19:00.003Z

If anyone receives an email entitled MAIL SERVER REPORT do not open it but delete it immediately.

At present the virus contained in this email does not have a cure and the anti-virus programmes are not geared up to prevent this one hitting your computer.

Hope you all manage to stay free of this one.

Best wishes

Fee

Success

2009-12-06T16:54:00.003Z

I have had a letter published in The Sun this week and today I had another letter published in The News of the World.

I know with the Sunday papers I have to wait a week to find out if they are going to be published but when they do publish a letter it does make it all feel worthwhile.

I took my time to work out which topic I wanted to write about and thought about how to write it for a long time before I eventually sent the email off.

I had quickly scanned the letter page today and didn't think I had one published but I had and was pleased.

I am off to Stafford on Tuesday to collect a certificate another one to add to my collection. This one is to say that I took part in the Rotary International Disabled Sports Championships in Coventry.

I have a busy week lined up.

Best wishes to everyone

Fee

One of my previous posts

2009-12-04T21:21:00.001Z

I decided to delete one of my posts as it was so negative. I am not normally a negative person but things have got to me right now.

I don't know why and I despise myself for it.

I apologise for any upset or offence I have caused.

Best wishes

Fee

At It Again Must be a Glutton for Punishment LOL

2009-12-04T16:51:00.002Z

The date has now been set for the 2010 Cancer Research UK Relay for Life it is the 11th and 12th September to be held at London Road Sports Centre in Shrewsbury next to the Shrewsbury College of Art and Technology.

So with the memories of this year's event and how much money that was raised our aims are high and we hope that the weather is the same as it was this year.

The commitee meetings start in January and no doubt we will be busy getting people involved, teams signed up, obtaining raffle prizes and just generally hoping for a good turn out and a fantastic 22 hours of community spirit.

For more details about Relay for Life and what it has involved in the past few years follow this link http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/relay/

Details will be put up in the New Year of how to register for the Relay for 2010 and I will keep you posted as to progress.

Best wishes to you all

Fee

Good News from September

2009-12-01T12:25:00.002Z

Some of you may remember that I attended a charity event in September for Cancer Research Uk, well last Friday was the thank you party for the teams and committee members involved in the event.

Unfortunately due to the horrid cold/flu that my husband and I both had we were unable to attend. We telephoned the organiser of the event and explained we would be dropping the money off and going straight back home as we both felt so unwell.

The organiser told us not to bother doing that and that she would see us in the New Year when the meetings start for the organisation of the next Relay for Life.

Before the telephone call ended she informed us the event had raised £30,700.00 so that night in the tent with Steve had been well worth it.

Considering the financial climate this year this is a wonderful result and a big thank you to all those who formed teams, attended the event, gave donations, donated raffle prizes and just showed their support.

It means so much to so many people.

Being Organised

2009-11-29T17:11:00.002Z

I hate crowds and detest shopping at the best of times. To avoid the rush and all the crowds I tend to buy presents online. This sometimes works out cheaper and if there are any problems there is plenty of time to resolve various issues.

This year I have bought various presents during all the last eleven months and these have been wrapped now.

This means there are no last minute panics and all the presents I intended to buy have been bought.

Being organised with writing is the same thing. Pick an article out of a paper to comment on, read it thoroughly and then write the letter to the various newspaper.

With article writing it is the same pick the topic you want to write about and plan it out. Then send it off either by post or email to the publisher concerned.

By being organised and planning time for writing things can get achieved.

People may snigger and say that it is silly being organised so early for Christmas but it does take the stress out of it all.

Best wishes

Fee

As requested Eunant Retreat

2009-11-24T17:06:00.001Z

Eunant Retreat

The retreat arrived very fast
There were eight at this repast
Well Sue Ross she managed to get lost
Got her car turned round at no extra cost
She also completed a walk around the whole of the lake
And returned to have some tea and cake
Everyone else was worried as she was gone so long
That night there was music and song
No rest for the wicked not even at night
This lot got in a right state it would cause such a fright
Especially with Darren saying there was a blood stain
He stood and watched the colour drain
As he explained there was a plaque on the wall
And enjoyed telling them all
Bev and Di got their own back
He was worried they may attack
But no it was only a fairy story
That got him so full of worry
Bryan and Di oh how can they jive
To see this go to You Tube live
Susan and Mike even joined in the fun
I wonder if this will appear in the Sun?
Mike wanted to obtain photos of the stream
Susan wanted to scream
For Mike nearly got too close to the water
But he knew he oughta
Listen to Susan so in he came like a naughty school boy
All humble, apologetic and coy
Fee decided to have a bath
She thought she got locked in this was a laugh.
Beverley Cherry went somewhere palacial
To have a massage and a facial

My First Writing Retreat

2009-11-24T15:22:00.002Z

I have just returned from my first ever writers retreat. Despite feeling generally unwell the whole weekend it was great. I found such wonderful support throughout the whole weekend even when my coughing must have got on people's nerves.

I think I know finally understand the word "relax" thanks to Darren's antics amongst others. Bev with her lovely cherry wine it was so divine.

I didn't achieve what I set out to do but I got far more done than I expected considering how I really felt.

It was our last night all together, during the afternoon I decided to doodle with words and make some fun of the whole long weekend.

I was so unsure I showed it to Di for approval. She laughed and thought it was really wicked.

So I waited to hear the news of others before I finally completed it.

I read it out last night to those that it affected, I was so unsure in case I offended anyone not having done anything like it before in my life.

It caused some merriment all right.

So I let out a huge sigh of relief. Not only did I manage to complete my first ever writing retreat but didn't cause any offence.

Eunant http://www.eunant.co.uk/ is where we stayed. The weather was really wet with strong winds but we did manage to get some dry spells where people went out for walks hoping not to get caught in too heavy weather.

I do not have any photographs as I didn't feel up to that task.

It was a lovely weekend and Mike and Susan really did us proud in organising it all.

A time for Reflection

2009-11-15T17:44:00.002Z

This time last year I got hitched to my wonderful husband.

To celebrate our anniversary we were invited to a wonderful couple's wedding and I could not think of a nicer way of celebrating a wonderful event.

The day goes by so quickly and to remember the wonderful day free from the stress is a lovely way to spend today.

Here are some of those moments.

The cake

No getting out of it now darling we have signed and sealed the marriage certificate

My arm's aching how many more people want me in this pose? I'm tired but I am not going to show it.

Finally enjoying a romantic moment during the reception.

Best wishes to the wonderful couple who got married on Saturday. I wish you a wonderful, happy life together.

Love

Fee

I have some wonderful news to share

2009-11-10T12:16:00.003Z

I made it to Coventry in plenty of time ready for the big event. This was the 28th Disability Sports Championship arranged by Rotary International and what a wonderful event it was.

This was the first competition I have ever entered and had no idea what to expect.

I was entered as part of Staffordshire and Shropshire Triathlon team and was to participate in the swimming event. This entailed swimming four lengths (100 metres) as fast as possible.

Bearing in mind I don't have a coach and just go out and swim every week for about an hour here is the result of my efforts.

Steve took a photograph at the beginning of my timed session but I was so quick off the mark he got a photograph of the pool only.

I was tired after my effort but I did it in Wait For It 3.27 minutes. I usually do a length a minute in normal swimming conditions.

After this event I met up with other team members and eventually got my breath back.

Later on I was offered the chance to go weight lifting. There are no pictures of this and I will explain why. Due to the number of operations I have had everyone was worried about my left arm and the lack of movement in it. The team coaches who organised the event informed the weight lifting trainer to watch out for my left arm.

I took up my position lying flat on my back and followed instructions. No weights were put on the bar to start with. I was told to lift my arms forward and hold on to the bar. I did exactly as I was told. I had no qualms about giving this a go. As I got to the third lift of the bar only the trainer asked if it was getting any easier. It was. He explained that this was due to my muscles warming up. He told me we would do five more lifts with just the bar and then one with small weights only.

The "biscuits" (small weights) went onto the bar. I was asked if I was happy. The bar was brought down to my chest and then I had to push it up. I did it. I was so proud and felt a real sense of achievement.

I sat up and cried with emotion. Prior to my attempt at weights one young lady had attempted far more of a load than I had and got upset. I thought she had hurt herself but one of my team's trainers explained she was upset as she hadn't achieved what she wanted.

That night there was a dinner at the sports centre at 8pm. Steve and I headed off to our accommodation to wash and brush up. I had a hot bath to ensure I didn't stiffen up.

I have not been able to move my left arm for well over two years due to various operations on my left side.

That night as I was dressing for dinner I attempted to raise it above my head by moving the arms forward first then up. It didn't hurt and I did it.

During dinner I told a member of Rotary what had happened to see the smile on my face he couldn't have been more pleased. I thanked the Rotarian organiser for all his hard work in arranging the event and when I told him about my arm he was thrilled to bits. It just goes to show in the right hands things can be achieved in controlled conditions.

Remembrance Sunday morning we got up and ready for the day's events. I had been dreading the slalom see previous blog posts. Due to the fact my left arm was capable of being used this was going to be easier than I had thought. I wasn't worried about making a fool of myself it was just a matter of giving it a go in a borrowed wheelchair with no practice prior to the day and do my very best.

Here I am taking part in Boccea at least that is what I think it is called it is like bowls. Our team lost by one point but we all enjoyed it.

I managed to complete the slalom course without too much difficulty but didn't get past the first round.

Our little team is pictured below. We had a fantastic weekend and one I will never ever forget.

As you can see both arms are raised for the first time for a very long time. I am thrilled to have gone out and given it my all.

HOTMAIL VIRUS WARNING PLEASE TAKE NOTE

2009-11-06T20:27:00.002Z

Dear All,

I have just been caught out with this so please heed this warning. I am not sending any emails out from my account and won't be until after the weekend. If you receive an email from me in this time please delete it immediately.

The emails are along the lines of "I'm bored so I thought I would catch up with you and cheer you up."

It gives you a link to a supposedly secure website as part of MSN and asks for you to sign in again.

Do not sign in totally ignore this link.

If you have already been caught. Change your hotmail password immediately and run a virus scan.

Best of luck

Hope this is not too late for any of you.

I am embarrassed but I hadn't had contact from one of my friends for so long I thought it was genuine.

Best wishes

Fee

Last Minute Panic

2009-11-06T15:04:00.002Z

I had thought as I hadn't heard anything that the "fun and games" were not happening. I then received a telephone call to let me know where to book accommodation.

With this event on the accommodation was soon snapped up especially with the deals that were being offered. I missed out due to the lateness.

Never mind I found accommodation for us at a reasonable price. So tonight it will be last minute packing to work out what to wear and hope that the stuff I need is clean.

I prefer to be organised than have last minute panics as this relieves stress and tension. Hey ho things are working out and I will manage.

At least we know we are guaranteed a good's night sleep. So you can guess from that where we are staying.

Sunday is going to be hilarious as I said in a previous post on this blog.

So this weekend is going to be interesting to say the least.

I am still busy campaigning as well as writing and doing sport so my life is busy and fulfilling.

Best wishes to everyone.

Fee

A Hat Trick

2009-11-06T08:15:00.003Z

I found out from a comment on my blog from the lovely Simon Whaley that I had a letter printed in Writers News. Yesterday ABLE Magazine arrived and another letter was in there. Today I had a letter published in The Sun.

So there is my hat trick.

I have sent lots of stuff out and not all of it has been published, I know some are in the pipeline for the future so I will just have to wait and see what happens next.

Best wishes to everyone

Fee

This is going to be comical

2009-11-04T11:40:00.002Z

I recently discovered sports for disabled through a contact at a disability forum I attend.

Last Thursday we headed to Stafford I took my swimming stuff with me not knowing if I would need this or not. I soon discovered we would be outside on the athletics pitch. I had a go at throwing clubs from my wheelchair.

My wheelchair is an attendant wheelchair this means it has small wheels at the back and not the larger wheels which a user can self propel. The reason I do not have a self-propel wheelchair is due to the lack of use in my left arm. I have tried a self-propel wheelchair but each time I tried to manoevre myself I ended up going round in circles as my right arm has far more power than my useless left arm. I have only had the wheelchair since 2008 so I am still finding out information on sports, what is available for disabled people and how to overcome problems.

Well last night I travelled to Stafford again. I was determined to go out and do as much as possible. I hate being a couch potato and know I gain weight with lack of exercise.

Last night I threw clubs again and had a go at various other sports from the wheelchair. I was even shown how to discus. This got me extremely anxious as there is a swinging motion to it and due to the surgery down my left side I was worried about damaging the muscles or tissues which have been operated on over the last twenty years. I was also worried about the lymphoedema. I mentioned this to the person teaching me so they were aware of my worries. I gave it a go.

We worked at easy throws so that it wasn't too strenuous I know now that if I am cautious I can build up the speed and distance in time.

I had been informed that there is a competition in Coventry at the weekend and that I had been entered into the swimming part of the triathalon. This entails me swimming four lengths. This should not cause me a problem as I go swimming a lot and love it.

The next bit is where the comedy comes in. I have been entered into a wheelchair slalom this means turning at various points and manoevring around in a wheelchair under my own steam. I hope the video camera works as this will be absolutely hilarious with me attempting this.

Oh well at least I can have a laugh at having a go. It should all be lots of fun.

Best wishes to everyone whatever they are doing.

Feex

A Double in The Sun

2009-10-30T09:08:00.002Z

I have been writing letters to several national papers for a while now. Each time we purchase a paper I turn to the letters page today I did just that and have two letters in there one under my maiden name the other under my married name.

I had sent these days apart from each other and they both got printed today.

I have still not won anything for my letters but with my persistance, determination I will one day.

Best wishes to everyone and good luck with writing ventures.

Feex

My Life is Never Dull

2009-10-29T15:47:00.002Z

On Monday we received a telephone call from my nephew wondering if he could stay for a few days. So off we set to fetch him.

This was handy in some ways as we were off to Sheffield the following day and would be returning home on Wednesday evening.

The visit to Sheffield was very worthwhile and one I may be repeating in the near future. The main purpose of the visit was to help a national department store implement a mastectomy range of lingerie and they required input from the "experts". There were four from the local breast cancer support group, myself, one lady from Manchester and another lady from Leeds.

Each one of us had a different story to tell as to how we had come to needing a mastectomy or in some cases a double mastectomy.

The main thing we all agreed on was at present there is a lack of style, fashion and colour in the mastectomy ranges currently offered.

This will no doubt be changing next September when the mastectomy range gets launched by this retailer.

Today we received a telephone call from my nephew's girlfriend advising us he should be attending Hereford Hospital today and that his social worker would be taking him from Llandrindod Wells.

We woke him up and got organised to head to Llandrindod in plenty of time to meet the social worker to get him to the hospital on time. Things never seem to go according to plan in my family and this was no exception through no fault of our own.

A farmer had been walking on the opposite side of the road with a dog not on a lead. There were two cars in front us and we all slowed down. The dog ran into the road whereupon the car two cars in front of us braked hard, the car behind did the same but was unable to avoid a collision.

All I saw was a spray of something go up in the air, I assumed it was feathers to start with but then it dawned on me it was glass.

It then sank in what had happened. My nephew and I got out of the car and went to the cars in front to make sure the occupants were ok. They were alive and able to talk but they were not 100%. I instructed my husband to ring for an ambulance.

The occupant of one of the cars was able to get herself out and came over to me. I could see she was shaken by what had happened. Both cars were a mess, one was leaking fluid and both had filled with smoke from when the airbags had gone off.

She said she felt faint so I led her to our car where I instructed her to sit down and put her head between her knees. She kept insisting on going to the other car to see that the occupants of that car were ok. I told her they were ok and talking but were shaken up just like she was.

The first ambulance arrived and took over they gave her oxgen and asked me to stay with her. I was more than happy to help. We were both told an ambulance from Knighton was coming to deal with her shortly. I kept an eye on the oxygen cylinder to make sure it didn't hit the red area and need replacing. During this time she told me her legs felt funny and were hurting her. I tried to attract the attention of the first ambulance crew but by this time they were busy with the occupants of the other car.

I tried telephoning her father for her as she kept saying she wanted him told but knew he would be angry about the car. I kept reassuring her by saying that a car could eventually be replaced but she couldn't be. She was on her way to sign on at the Job Centre and was really anxious about this. She asked me "Will you do me a huge favour?" I wondered what it could be. She then said would I go to the Job Centre and let them know she wouldn't be signing on today and what happened. I promised I would do this as soon as I reached Llandrindod.

When the ambulance from Knighton arrived I tried to get it to stop behind our car. It didn't realise what I was trying to do and went too far ahead. The crew reversed it back when they realised I was attending to their patient.

I left them to it when they got the stretcher and put her in the ambulance. A bit later the ambulance crew beckoned with their hand. I looked dumb then realised they were asking for me. As they were male crew they wanted a female to reassure their patient while they examined her in the ambulance and as we had a rapport going they asked for me. So in I went. The poor girl had to have her jeans cut. I joked and said it was a good excuse to get her mum to buy her a new pair.

Then a police lady entered the ambulance I told the patient not to worry too much about things and to answer the questions honestly. She was so very brave. Then she burst into tears asking if the occupants of the other car were ok. The police lady reassured her and even told her not to worry too much this was an accident and we all have them sooner or later.

Meanwhile my husband and nephew had given statements to the police and a description of the person with the dog.

I imagine if we hadn't stopped or if someone else hadn't stopped yet witnessed the accident the police would be baffled about "there was a dog honest but it has gone now".

That is exactly what had happened the person and the dog had disappeared soon after the impact.

We all felt it was our duty to stay and help those injured until the ambulance arrived. Other cars stopped to help too.

One thing we did find strange was one chap ambled up past me towards the damaged cars, the police officers asked if they could help him. He was a foreigner and wanted to go further on to the main accident. The police advised him to get back in his car. Initially he refused and just stood on the verge.

Eventually he listened to the police warning him to go back to his car or further action would be taken.

I stayed in the ambulance until they were ready to depart to Hereford. I left the young lady with the words "You are in safe hands now".

I kept my promise and went to the Job Centre. I explained who I had come on behalf of and why she couldn't sign on. The person I spoke to said "You had better hang on and we will give you some forms for her to sign as to why she can't be here". I explained I was a stranger and had no idea where she lived or how to pass the forms on to her. Then my husband and I left the job centre.

Under these circumstances I thought the job centre would realise it was a genuine reason why someone could not sign on for benefits and that the last thing on their mind would be how to obtain further forms to sign while they are being transported by ambulance to hospital.

As you can see from above my life is never dull or boring.

I wish all the occupants of the car crash a speedy recovery.

It makes you wonder if this happened to you would anyone else stop to help?

Best wishes to everyone

Fee

Friends

2009-10-25T08:40:00.003Z

Writing is a lonely journey. Many writers write but leave their work hidden and unread for various reasons.

I decided to write a book to help others. I knew my aims, my goals and what I wanted to achieve. My biggest problem was how to go about it. Not being a professional writer I didn't have a clue.

I wrote a beginning, middle and an end, three chapters in total. Thinking that says what I want I will get that small book published easily. How wrong was I? I sent it to a non-fiction publisher not knowing the protocol I should have followed.

I was fortunate as this publisher was very kind in his reply and I will never forget the email response I received. His advice was to get the Writers and Artists Handbook for the current year and try and find an agent. It was then I searched the internet and found the NAWG and decided to join a writing group.

I wish I had known the right path to take but I didn't. I have learnt the hard way.

I have been bashing my words out on my computer for nearly two years now and what a journey I am on.

My friends had no idea what I was trying to achieve, I kept it secret as I was worried of failing or being ridiculed I suppose. Friday brought a pleasant surprise I have a prospective publisher interested in my work. With this news my husband told my friends.

Last night these friends came around to look at my "book". I showed them the synopsis which I had revamped on Friday morning and then sent out to this prospective publisher before going to hospital. On returning from hospital I had an email and telephone message left by the prospective publisher.

I wish I had shown the "book" to my friends before but I was unsure of the standard of work and until someone gave me positive feedback I was nervous to show it to anyone other than my husband.

These wonderful friends gave me feedback on my book. I know my writing style has changed over the last couple of years with improvement happening with the more I write. This was borne out last night with their comments. There will certainly need to be a lot of editing done on the book in the form it is in now but that will be able to be overcome. My determination is kicking in to get this book published.

One of my friends said he couldn't have done what I have.

If the prospective publisher does not want to proceed further I will spend the writing retreat revamping my book and editing it along the way.

If I had only shown the book to my friends before sending the book off I would have had the editing done by now and I perhaps I would have felt happier with the standard of work. I am kicking myself for being so naive.

I hope that this blog post is useful to someone and that this encourages them to get out there and ask for help if they need it.

I wish I had done it earlier instead of being sat alone bashing out the words that meant so much to me and the story I wanted to tell.

I am certainly learning the writing path the hard way but life is full of challenges and I am rising to this one.

Best wishes and good luck to everyone.

Feex

Summer's End

2009-10-24T17:24:00.002+01:00

Hi Everyone

Remember to set your clocks back an hour tonight and enjoy an extra hour in bed.

Looking back over the summer what have I done. Well there has been Attingham Park weekend with Wrekin Writers that was inspirational.

There has been poetrystreet and finding another link on that website Mypoetry4U. There has been a confidence building session when I attended Drayton Writer's Open Mike day in June.

I have been to my very first pop concert of Boyzone and thoroughly enjoyed that.

September I was busy with the Cancer Research UK Relay for Life event in Shrewsbury. (See previous blog posts)

Two weeks ago I attended a Macmillan Cancer Voices conference in Gatwick.

Last week I was at Westminster for Breakthrough Campaign Advocacy Network (CAN) where I lobbied my MP and asked a question to Professor Mike Richards.

Now winter is heading our way what will I do? I will continue to work on my writing and get my book published.

The leaves are turning red on the trees and the season is going to be colourful. My language most probably will be too as I challenge myself in many different ways with my writing and what I expect of myself.

Next month I will be going on my first ever writing retreat and I am really looking forward to this experience. I have learnt a lot but realise I have so much more to learn.

The biggest lesson I have learnt over the summer is not to be afraid to ask questions or seek advice when not sure of how to approach something.

I have received wonderful support from my writing group and I know this will continue.

I am not sure what the future holds but one thing for sure is I love writing, meeting people and helping others.

December brings the chance to have various meals out with friends and socialising. The biggest thing I have learnt this year is money doesn't matter a rich person is one with many friends. I am so lucky to have wonderful friends and therefore my life is very rich.

Best wishes to everyone over the winter months and see what we can all achieve with whatever our goals are.

Love Feex

I'm back

2009-10-23T13:05:00.002+01:00

Hello Everyone,

Well I am back from Westminster. Yes I got there in one piece. The experience has been surreal in some ways but really useful in others.

Did I achieve what I set out to do? Yes I met with my MP. I informed of the lobby issue I was most interested in. I followed advice from my writing group and chose a topice I knew about.

My MP was very easy to talk to, extremely approachable and very honest. I spent twenty minutes with him and it was time very well used. I got my point across, what we wanted to achieve and what I needed to be done by him.

I received training in a workshop prior to the meeting to make sure I knew what I was doing.

Yesterday morning at my first ever Westminster Fly-In I stood up in front of the whole conference and asked Professor Mike Richards a question concerning younger breast patients. I was nervous doing this but felt it had to be asked. If I didn't ask it would it be asked, probably not so I stood there with the microphone and did it.

Later I met my MP waiting around made me nervous but as soon as I saw him appear climbing up the steps to the building I was reassured. I felt in control and lead the way.

Am I proud of myself. YES, you bet I am. I never knew I could do this.

Will I do this again next year? Most probably if given the chance as I love helping others and the way to make issues heard is to raise them.

At the end of the day yesterday we had a group photo. Starting a few stairs up. Most of us headed for the back thinking we wouldn't be seen. LOL. A crafty photographer guessed this ploy and took the picture looking down on us all. Hee Hee.

It was a super time and I have made new friends and contacts. I even got mothered without asking to be. I now know I have to be kind to myself as well as campaigning.

Have I learnt a lot? Yes lots far more than I could ever have imagined. Will I use this experience in my writing and future projects you bet I will.

Best wishes to you all.

Fee

I have succeeded

2009-10-20T21:56:00.002+01:00

I have finally managed to pack my pink shoes (see previous post) my pink hair brush set and still get my bulging washbag into my suitcase.

I have had to pack a various range of clothes as I am not sure exactly what the standard of dress is for dinner with MPs. So I have packed some comfortable clothes too and will wait and see what others choose to wear so I don't make a mistake.

I have packed a smart comfortable suit for Thursday's workshops.

I also went for my hair makeover today. I will post photos on my return so watch this space.

I am tired now and have an early start in the morning and facing the dreaded M25 later in the morning so will hopefully beat the queues of traffic.

I just hope things go smoothly and I do ok.

I am going to try and cope with one walking pole and my luggage. Now I am packed I know this is happening.

I am really nervous and hope I manage to sleep well tonight.

I will post again late on Friday hopefully as I have a hospital appointment in the morning. Back to reality with a bump.

Best wishes to everyone.

I am still Busy

2009-10-15T18:42:00.002+01:00

Well the last two weeks have certainly proved fruitful in more ways than one.

I have been knocking on various stores doors to implement bra fitting service or other services for mastectomy patients. Now one is finally listening to me. It has taken over two years to achieve this contact but the outcome is going to be positive.

Patience is a virtue and I am learning this the hard way.

Next week I am off to Westminster see previous post. The following week I am off to Sheffield to help a lingerie department in a well known store incorporate mastectomy lingerie. With input from various mastectomy patients we should be able to achieve a very worthwhile product.

I suppose my writing journey will be the same as this one a very long wait and then wham everything will happen all at once and my feet won't touch the ground.

So last week was Gatwick, next week Westminster, the following week Sheffield it sounds like a tour of a band LOL.

In the meantime I keep my writing up and one day my book will get published. I have had two rejections of it so far but who knows what the future holds.

Hold on this is a roller coaster ride so for those that follow this blog be prepared.

Best wishes

Feex

My Pink Day

2009-10-15T15:20:00.003+01:00

It dawned on me this morning that I would need to be independent of Steve next week when I attend Breakthrough Breast Cancer Care Fly-In in Westminster. I had thought of trying to make do with what luggage we had but realised this would mean hurting myself.

So my darling husband and I went out shopping today to see what we could find suitable as it had to be lightweight, have wheels and a handle so I could pull it along as a trolley. Some would think this was a hard task but no. You can imagine if I had set out to find a reasonably priced bright pink lightweight trolley suitcase the task would have been extremely difficult.

With an open mind on what to find we set off.

The above suitcase was £5

We then went to another shop which had a sale on and I discovered the shoes below for £6.

Then I found another sale item which was black but with a pink interior. Well too much of a good thing would spoil the theme.

While we were in Debenhams we saw too gentleman sitting on exercise bicycles. I wondered what they were doing but as soon as I saw one was wearing a black and pink fascinator and the other had a bright pink hand bag on his shoulder while pedalling it dawned on me Breast Cancer Awareness month. We gave a donation and headed off upstairs. It was then I discovered the evening bag.

There were some bright pink ones but they were not suitable for the purpose I wanted so I decided practicality was the best option.

I can imagine some of the men reading this post and looking at the pink items groaning. That is exactly what my darling husband did. At least I know he won't dare borrow the suitcase.

I bought some other pink items for going away with but won't show you pictures.

A few weeks back I had visited the local hospital foyer and bought from a charity a hairbrush and comb set with a pink banana clip in it.

We also went to Boots to obtain some medications I needed to take with me as a precautionary measure during this transaction I was given a voucher for £5 off No7. I decided I wanted nail varnish. I will leave you all to guess what colour. With the voucher off we only had to pay £1.25 for said item.

So I have had a brilliant pink day without even thinking about it.

I am being pampered next week. I am having a luxury manicure on Monday. A hair makeover on the Tuesday prior to setting off for Westminster.

I am really looking forward to the conference now and hope everyone can have a giggle over my choice of colours.

Life would be dull if we couldn't have a laugh and that is exactly what Steve and I have done today had lots of giggles.

Best wishes

Fee

I am busy

2009-10-14T15:55:00.002+01:00

I have recently joined http://www.cancerbuddiesnetwork.org/ as a cancer buddy. This is a wonderful organisation and enables people to help others through a horrible point in their lives.

I only found out about this organisation last Friday at a Macmillan Cancer Voices conference. It was a wonderful inspiring conference and has spurred me on to do far more to help others.

Best wishes

Fee

Is it Just Me??

2009-10-13T15:26:00.002+01:00

I have been watching television while bashing out various letters to the nationals. This afternoon I was watching the AT Show on ITV.

One of his guests during his interview used "You know" a dozen times. Is it just me or does this get anyone else's back up.

When Steve and I first appeared on Trisha and we watched that episode back it hit Steve that he said it a few times. After that he now watches what he says. The reason people ask questions is because they don't know.

It infuriates me to such a point that as soon as I notice someone doing this I count the number of times they do it. If it is addressed at me I tell that person how many times they said "You Know" to me.

I wonder how many of you notice this in forthcoming conversations.

As I turn around to Steve and say "I don't know that is why I am asking you".

I did it

2009-10-11T10:56:00.003+01:00

Well I did it I made it to the Macmillan Cancer Voices conference in London on Friday and am I glad I went? Yes I am really pleased I managed to go. It was a lively two day conference and absolutely well worth every minute.

I took the advice I had received from Wrekin Writers "write about something you know". I went to the groups I knew I could contribute to rather than sit there without offering anything.

The first workshop I attended was to do with financial matters. We discussed ways forward of how to get the DWP to listen to the needs of cancer patients and to accept letters from consultants rather than be forced to attend medical assessments and have the professionals overuled. As that is what appears to be happening. I suggested inviting MPs to Macmillan conferences even if they don't turn up at least they know what is happening. The two male Macmillan staff conducting this workshop were amazed at the input each and every person in that room gave to this workshop.

That evening we had a welcome group which was really well attended so much so they had to keep fetching more chairs. It was a very emotional weekend for many but without the emotions would be so passionate about what we want to achieve? The answer to that is "No".

Dinner was a lively event meeting new people and understanding their needs and concerns.
I dressed up a bit for this event and felt much better for making an effort with makeup and putting my hair up.

Yesterday morning was an early start for most. Registration was to be 9 am prompt with breakfast to be over and done with as well as all rooms vacated which meant everyone had to be packed by this time. We all succeeded in these tasks.

The second workshop I attended was how to tell your story.

The trainer said how would you get your story out in 60 seconds. This meant we had to be punchy and we had to get the audience's attention. One lady (it wasn't me honest!) suggested getting her prothesis out of her bra and throwing it to the audience. We all laughed but it would work.

There was a teenager in our group during this workshop and I was so proud to have met her. She was so very brave with her story. She wasn't a cancer patient but her mother had been. Instead of being honest with her family the mother had decided to cope with the whole cancer journey on her own. (How many times have I felt I could cope better without involving Steve or anyone else? Too many to mention). The teenager had felt lied to and betrayed, untrustworthy and had completely fallen apart.

Her story hit me hard. After the workshop I went up to her and told her I was so proud to have met her and that she should be proud of herself.

Then it was lunchtime. Again I met different people and got talking to them. We exchanged frank and valid views from all aspects of treatment and family matters and I was amazed at how I had been able to contribute towards the workshops so far.

The third and final workshop I attended was how to become a cancer voice and what could be achieved. There were several experienced cancer voices in this workshop, myself included. I didn't tell them everything I had done for Macmillan I told them bits of what I had been able to achieve and the appearances I had made on behalf of Macmillan. Others said what they had achieved too.

There were so many people who were unsure of whether to become cancer voices or not I decided to take a shot at a way in Macmillan offer courses which are free to attend and receive training one of these is Network Site Specific Groups (NSSGs) relating to various cancer types e.g. skin, breast etc.

I explained I had attended this training recently even though I do attend a Breast NSSG in my local area. The reason I had attended was things change, I could always learn something new, I could support new members and offer them my experience.

I mentioned that a professional had attended this training as consultants, pathologists, radiologists and others involved in cancer have to attend the NSSGs. He said after this training he didn't realise he could contribute so much himself to a NSSG, he had felt in the past that he had to just attend and listen to what was happening around him.

This just shows that the training is doing what it should it is making people empowered to take control themselves and have a positive input to a meeting.

When I spoke about my experience of NSSG the whole room was quiet I had no idea the impact I would have or did have on others in that group. Comments were made on what I had said and I felt overwhelmed with such a positive response.

I then went off to the final closing of the conference and filled out our feedback forms.

Many people came to say goodbye some knelt in front of my wheelchair to speak to me. I had been determined not to use it but the distance to the bedrooms had meant I had no choice yesterday as my back hurt. This made me realise I wasn't been talked down to I was being classed as an equal. It just shows how body language means such a lot.

I have a lot of email addresses and websites to add to my collection. I am so glad I went now, despite my nerves the night before it was well worth it. I feel now I have a lot to contribute to helping others and to make sure that things change in the future for those that follow.

It is surprising the little hints and tips I pick up on my journey from various places can be used as a whole in one place. Examples "write about what you know". In my case "talk about what you know". Empowerment give people options; two are not going to work but the third one is, so when you give someone the three choices they feel they have made the decision and not you.

In the last two years I have learnt the above and I am still learning. That is what life is about you learn something new everyday and if you don't it is boring.

Best wishes

Fee

Pride of Britain

2009-10-08T07:40:00.002+01:00

I watched the Pride of Britain awards last night and if anyone says you don't get emotional watching these stories then I don't believe you.

The story that has touched me most is this one. I suppose being at a similar age to Kris at the time I found my first lump makes her story more poignant. http://coppafeel.org/

Kris is one of the patients in the Cancer Research UK advert for donations and is the last one on the screen.

Instead of feeling sorry for herself Kris is doing all she can to get the message across to young women that they need to check themselves and don't be fobbed off by doctors due to your age.

I will never forget at 32 the doctors telling me because of my age it wouldn't be cancer. Well they were wrong and it was. My biggest fear is that every lump I have is going to be ignored and will turn aggressive. That fear for me will never go away. If I felt listened to I would perhaps feel less apprehensive about the future, but each visit to hospital brings the dread that I will hear the words again.

Kris is not only battling breast cancer but secondary cancer in her spine. She is putting all her energies into her website and I truly admire her.

It is strange how when the illness hits instead of thinking of ourselves we want to prevent this happening to others in what small way we can. We want to help others through a horrid journey and make it easier for those that follow.

This is just one of the small achievements I have made on my two year path so far http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/shropshire/7561369.stm by agreeing to help Macmillan Cancer Support with their campaigns.

Without cancer patients speaking out the cancer charities have no voice to help get their campaigns across. It is the real lives that matter now and in the future.

It is people like Kris that I want to help so that young lives aren't devastated by the horrid illness.

Yes I know I am passionate about this subject but shouldn't everyone care a little bit more. Shouldn't we all stop and think what would we do in that situation? How would we cope? Would we feel sorry for ourselves or get out there and live life to the full and make if fulfilling for others?

These are the choices we face and Kris and I have answered our dilemmas. Sometimes it just never is enough and someone young dies due to doctors not listening to them.

It is for this reason I do what I do.

Good Things Do Happen

2009-10-07T10:38:00.002+01:00

In a previous post I mentioned I had won a prize in a raffle.

Well I now have the voucher and have booked my free hairdressing appointment. As I am off to Westminster towards the end of this month I decided to book it the day before I go.

Steve has booked it for me so there is no giving the prize away now. I am not sure what to do with my locks and may well just leave it up to the hairdressers. So watch this space for the results.

I have read a few newspapers this morning and one story got me so irate I emailled a letter off straight away. I wait to see if it will get printed. I emailled other letters off too.

So it is now the waiting game to see what gets accepted and published.

I am now looking forward to the weekend.

Best wishes to everyone and good luck with writing ventures.

Feex

A Nice Day

2009-10-05T17:48:00.002+01:00

I am feeling much brighter today. I have had another letter printed in a national newspaper. So I am happy. Sometimes I send the letters in and it can take a few weeks for them to use the letter. So be prepared to wait and see what rewards the work brings.

Getting published whether it be on a website or in a magazine or newspaper really means something.

One day I hope to get letter of the day or week.

Best wishes

Fee

Positivity reigns again

2009-10-01T17:32:00.002+01:00

Thanks to Julie and her never ending support and encouragement I am feeling much better. A supportive email means so much.

I have written a few letters today. I have also had another poem published on Poetry Street today.

I have attempted a short story and decided to leave the idea alone for now. I hope to go back to it at a later date.

Since I started my writing journey I have learnt such a lot. Finding the right magazines for helpful hints and tips. Having bought Jane Wenham Jones' "Wannabe a Writer" I know I didn't waste my money with that. With encouragement from the writing group I write about what I know and what affects me. I found a magazine for disabled writers called ABLE this is a positive magazine which suits me.

So the negativity has vanished for now.

I also received a telephone call from the Trisha Show. Yes I know its been axed and repeats are on tv at present. Well our final show is going to be shown on the 14th October at 10.45 am on Channel 5 (I can hear freeview viewers moaning well those that can't obtain channel 5!).

Never mind it is on You Tube courtesy of Ricky from Trisha.

I can't believe a year has almost gone by already. This time last year I was away on my odyssey holiday (see previous post) and Steve was in charge of sending out the wedding invitations. Thank goodness I haven't got that stress this year.

The only stress I really have now is my writing and my own self doubts.

Knowing that my letters are getting published is a huge boost. So onwards and upwards.

Best wishes

Fee

Trying to Stay Positive but it's hard

2009-10-01T08:47:00.003+01:00

I am struggling with IT at the moment. The phone line keeps dropping internet connection. I could scream. Oh well had a friend come out to help with the situation. After reformating the computer we then discovered the problem. So this means waiting to talk to the company concerned and ask them why it keeps dropping the line.

I managed to retune the Freeview box yesterday HOORAY.

Received The Writing Magazine along with Writers News. I noticed Julie had got her letter in the magazine but didn't think to look in the letters page of Writers News until much later on. Doh felt stupid.

Received confirmation of Macmillan Conference in London. Not long to go until that happens. This month is going to be a busy one.

Trying desperately to stay positive with all that is going on with family stuff. Life can be very cruel at times.

I watched the Secret Lives of Twins last night on BBC1. It amused me to see the reactions of other twins looking at the others. Why? When I was in primary school there were 8 sets of twins including me in the same year. When we went to high school other sets of twins joined us again in the same year. We played tricks on the teachers as they couldn't tell who was who from the identical twins. Not sure if I am identical or fraternal. We look alike but act totally different. My sibling is left handed I am right handed. We got different marks in everything maybe because I worked harder and decided to learn rather than play up.

Some things have happened in the same year to us but with six months difference. I knew she had had her first baby before she even telephoned with the news. I felt her labour pains. I know this sounds weird but its true. I got home for the weekend and asked mum if there was any news. There wasn't any. I told her when my sister had had the baby but couldn't tell her anymore than that. Within a few minutes the phone rang. "Hello Grandma".

Mum's reply was you have the wrong number and put the phone down. Telephone rang again. This time it sunk in. I was right. The baby had been born at the time I said.

When we were at college we came home for the holidays. We unpacked our suitcases and would you believe it we had bought the same colour and similar style clothes while we had been away from each other.

When we were younger we decided to dress differently. We had bedrooms next to each other. One morning we walked to the stairs looked at each other we were wearing the same. We went back into our rooms changed and again were wearing the same clothes. In the end one of us changed while the other stayed in what they had on.

Mum and Dad used to buy us similar clothes but in different colours we thought they must know us apart by now so swapped tops. No! They called us by the colour of our tops. This made us laugh so we did it a few times more until we got bored or grew up.

When it came to birthday parties the other sets of twins would come to the party. I will never forget the time we went into the garden we had a large garden at the back of the house with apple trees, fruit bushes etc. This particular year we picked the apples and ate them. Mum was cross as there were not many left for her to pick and use as she had wished. We were only 6/7 at the time.

As the years have gone by our lives have changed. Each determined to live their own life and be as independent from the other as possible for various reasons.

I wonder what the other sets of twins are doing now. Are some as inseparable as they were years ago or have they too grown apart?

Life is strange that is for sure.

Best wishes

Fee

More ups than downs

2009-09-25T18:53:00.003+01:00

I had a down day yesterday but today has made up for it in more ways than one.

We went to three Macmillan Coffee mornings today in Shrewsbury. One was at the temping agency I used to work for and had stayed in touch with. I hadn't realised it was nearly ten years ago I first signed on with the agency.

In between the visits we had gone to give a thank you card to the florist who provided the flowers at the Cancer Research UK Relay for Life event survivors.

At the second coffee morning I mentioned my former boss. Whilst at a cash point, I noticed a car pull up and who should emerge but my former boss. He couldn't chat for long but what we have discovered is that so far the Cancer Research UK event had raised over £25,000 and may even reach more than that.

We then went to complete paperwork for the car tax only to discover we had forgotten the reminder letter. This meant a return trip home to sort it all out.

This done we headed back to Shrewsbury. Once everything was sorted we then had a snack and finally headed home.

Just after 5pm I received a telephone call. I have won a prize in the charity raffle held at one of the coffee mornings. I usually buy a raffle ticket for these events but never expect to win anything.

When I told Steve he said "that is for you, don't you give it away". I have until the end of October to use the voucher and have yet to collect it from the employment agency.

So will believe it when I collect the voucher worth £45.

I am so glad the events were

Reflections

2009-09-22T06:37:00.003+01:00

What was I doing this time last year?

I was preparing to go on an Odyssey holiday http://www.odyssey.org.uk/ . A wonderful one off, unique experience.

I had no idea who I was going to be going with or where. I was given a list of what to pack and that was that.

I nearly chickened out with planning the wedding and used every excuse under the sun to get out of it. Nerves and apprehension.

There were two locations for pick up. One was the railway station in Shrewsbury the other was Dobbies Garden Centre. I opted for the garden centre as had a few others.

We were then collected by a mini bus with a trailer. Our luggage was loaded and off we went not knowing where we would end up. We were all busy guessing though.

I had envisaged a youth hostel type holiday or camping. It was much better than that.

What I learnt in those five days was a lot about myself. I nearly quit after the first day out on the Monday and by Tuesday night things were even worse as I was so hard on myself thinking I should be able to do everything and then realising I couldn't with my disabilities and various ailments.

On the Wednesday I insisted I stay indoors but Glyn had a good chat with me and said I would never forgive myself if I didn't give the course a good go. He was right of course.

I went out that morning and joined in as best I could. I couldn't walk far so they allowed me to be in the minibus while the others did the activity. Again I felt bad and thought to myself why had I allowed myself to go on this trip.

That day was a turning point for me in more ways than one. After the first activity had finished I already knew what the second task of the day was and was up for it. I asked if I could go across first as I had been hanging around for so long if I didn't I would never make it across.

With staff like this you can assume what you are letting yourself in for http://www.odyssey.org.uk/staff.php?calledFrom=1 Glyn and Hugo were part of our staff team.

I am so glad I hadn't looked at the website beforehand as the experience of the Wednesday afternoon was fantastic for me. It was my "finding myself" moment and this really helped turn me around.

I try and ensure I have moments like this every week to have peace, quiet and tranquility to do what I want without any interruptions. Whether it be writing or attempting new things I give things a go. Nothing ventured nothing gained. If you don't put things on to paper you have failed by not trying.

The Thursday morning we got up knowing this was our last full day of activities the following morning we would be heading home.

Dinner that night was special as many of the charity's supporters came to see us and chat about our experiences. I will never ever forget that week.

I attempted new things and didn't complete them all. Did it mean I was a failure? Not one bit I had a go and came out the other end smiling eventually.

I still get emotional thinking of how I felt the first two days battling with my inner self.

I suppose writing experiences can be the same. I battle with the thoughts inside, are they good enough to write down? I try and then look again. No. Discard and start again.

Sometimes things come to me easily others not so good. That is what life is full of struggles but it is what makes us strong.

Would I do things all over again in exactly the same way? Yes for most and those that really needed change I would.

One thing for sure is I have no regrets about attending the Odyssey course.

I certainly needed this time of reflection it has put things in perspective.

Best wishes

Life is changing

2009-09-21T10:52:00.004+01:00

This weekend has been busy. Despite having visitors I was not going to miss my writing group meeting.

Yesterday morning made a huge difference to our house. We had been offered a welsh dresser for our living room a few weeks ago and last week had measured to see if it would fit. It would just.

So from this junky mess to this in a very short time yesterday morning with the help of my nephew and his girlfriend.

What a difference a day makes.

To get the top of the dresser into the alcove we had initial put the base in first and then tried to lift the top up and tip it into the alcove at an angle. This didn't work. So I suggested moving the base out and then lifting the top in first. This meant one of the boys holding the top while the bottom was shuffled into place and then being carefully placed on top of the base.

I am so glad this suggestion worked as at the point we realised the top wouldn't tilt in we were thinking of taking it back. So now our home is beginning to look much better.

Unfortunately when we moved the junk out from the wall to get the dresser in we discovered a damp patch. Investigations revealed the tiles in the shower have come loose and hence water is seeping through the wall each time the shower is used. Needless to say we will now have to retile the shower, seal it and then seal the wall and repaint the living room wall. Thank goodness it was the wall that wasn't painted in 2007 so thank goodness for small mercies.

Life is like this at times you find happiness with one thing and then discover something else needs to doing to complete the job. So it will need 120 tiles to be replaced and resealed. We have also discovered the electric pump on the shower also needs to be replaced so it is one thing after another. If we concentrate on the shower and get that job solved it means the dresser will live happily in its new home for years to come.

So I have lots of things to achieve before the end of the year and will keep me busy.

Best wishes to everyone.

Well Worth It

2009-09-13T12:28:00.003+01:00

We have just got home absolutely thrilled at the result this weekend has had for Cancer Research UK Relay for Life.

There was lots of entertainment above is a magic act called Kane and Able.

This was just before 8pm when the candle of hope bags were lit.

This was to be our "Desirable residence" for the evening. Needless to say we may be considering selling it. LOL.

There were exhibitors and this was Confidantes from Cleobury Mortimer and Anny was a great help to us both days.

The weekend has been a huge success raising over wait for it £22,000.00 and waiting for the Inland Revenue to confirm the Gift Aid we may have raised £1000 using this.

We really lucky with the weather and this helped enormously.

146 dedicated candle bags were placed around the track. I got really emotional during the Candle of Hope ceremony especially as Steve had dedicated a Candle of Hope bag to me.

I must say thank you to Carole Ann Carr for cheering us on the opening lap as Survivors friends make the event so special and to see so many people turn up for everyone has really made an impact.

Will we do all it again. Yes of course we would the event has been so special a lot of work and effort but well worth it.

Michelle from Boots was lovely and has offered to help again in the future. This means a lot from turning up many months ago and "asking" begging more like for donations and help of support.

My former boss and his wife also attended the event as survivors and this meant a lot to me. Thank you both for your generous donations.

Everyone who gave time, donations, raffle prizes, donation station filled bags, bought raffle tickets or just turned up to offer support and assistance a huge THANK YOU. It means so much to so many people.

We have just got home absolutely thrilled at the result this weekend has had for Cancer Research UK Relay for Life.

It's here

2009-09-11T16:49:00.003+01:00

The big weekend has arrived. Looks like it is going to be nice weather (fingers crossed).

Where have all the months gone since I first agreed to become a committee member? They seem to have gone by so fast. Each month I have been busy doing something or other.

Tonight is our final committee meeting and then all systems go for tomorrow and 22 hours of what should be a good event.

Today we were out and about seeing supporters and receiving kind donations for the event.

With six committee members all volunteers giving up their time to organise such a large event it all seems worthwhile effort.

Our house will be less like a bombsite next weekend I am sure of it, (determined to clear it up). Each committee member has been storing stuff ready for this weekend. We have been storing some biscuits and drinks, raffle prizes, and paperwork. Others have been storing large raffle prizes, paperwork, t-shirts and various other items required for camping out.

The organisation seems to have taken over the committee's homes and tomorrow the boxes will be dragged out packed into cars and delivered to where it should be.

I just hope we remember everything. I won't be blogging for the next couple of days as the computer will be the last thing on my mind.

Missi has been taken care of so we don't have to worry about our pet while we are away.

My final wish is it all goes well and that the event is a success.

So its fingers crossed as we set off for the final meeting prior to the event. This reminds me of the night before my wedding last year making sure everyone had what they required and that there was nothing else I could do except turn up.

Will I be a committee member next year? I think we will have to wait and see. I know without events like this money would not be raised to help Cancer Research UK in providing such a wonderful service so that survivors of this horrid disease can say thanks and keep on living longer.

I am signing off now.

Best wishes everyone and have a good weekend.

Fee xx

Networking

2009-09-10T12:59:00.002+01:00

I recently attended a Professional Speakers Association (PSA) meeting as a guest. I was nervous as I did not know what to expect.

As normal I arrived early I hate being late as this gets me flustered and embarrassed.

There were two meetings being held that day one in the afternoon for members and an open meeting in the evening.

Be warned if you are invited to attend such a meeting as a guest be prepared to pay at least £25 for the privilege. Even the speakers addressing the meeting have to pay for their attendance at these events too.

I found the meeting room and was about to head off to the hotel bar with my husband to relax and unwind before the actual event which was to commence at 7pm.

A candidate (they have levels of entry for the PSA) saw me and asked if he could help. I explained I was new and who had informed me about the PSA.

This gentleman explained that he was in the same position as me last year and could relate to how I felt. This made me really at ease and I finally started to relax.

Despite the formal looking website the PSA is very informal and was wonderful support to a newcomer.

There were two speakers speaking the night I attended and the subject was networking. The most valuable things I learnt that night were "networking is not selling". It is a way to build contacts and use the time to get to know someone and their problem to see if you can help at a future date.

Work out whether it is your worth your time embarking on something with a "good" "grief" score. Good is something that you get work through grief is how much effort and whether you really like doing it score. If you get little grief and a lot of customers from it do it. If it is 50% do you really want to bother.

If you really enjoy something but get little profit or no customers then obviously it is not worth the effort.

So it is like with everything we do in life above all else we have to enjoy what we do and know we are good at it.

Learning new skills is something I find very hard and one of the things I get most worked up about. Why because I worry I will fail and not be good at it. To get things moving though you have to learn new skills, look at a problem in a new light and solve it. Success does not come overnight.

It takes years to get to the level the top professional speakers have got to.

Some use books as a tool others just give good advice and tips. It is not about you and your ego it is about the message you want to get across to people in order to help them. That is what professional speaking is about.

If you are doing it for you, you are in the wrong field that was the message I took away with me the other night.

I suppose writing is the same, why do we write? We write to get a message across to others. We write because it gives us pleasure and we divulge our fantasies in fiction.

The messages we send can be emotional ones, can be matter of fact, can be happy ones or just plain facts that people need to be aware of.

I certainly learnt a lot in a couple of hours and met some really interesting people. Will I go again? Yes but that will be next year now as open meetings are bi-annual.

So who knows where I will end up or what I will be doing. One thing for sure is this person is going to achieve her goals which above all else is helping others.

Best wishes

Fee

A weird Feeling

2009-09-05T16:15:00.002+01:00

During the last few weeks my eyes have been playing me up. Last night I had had enough and telephoned Shropdoc to make an appointment to see a doctor for a check. Instead of being told to attend their premises in Telford the doctor telephoned me back and informed me I needed to be seen by the specialist eye team as my symptoms were something to do with my retina.

My symptoms were flashing lights to one side of my right eye and an appearance like a spider's web to the front of my vision.

An appointment was made for me to be seen this morning (Saturday) at 10 am. I was a little bit worried as the doctor informed me under no circumstances was I to drive myself there and had to have an escort for the journey home.

After tossing and turning till the early hours I eventually got some sleep.

We arrived at Shrewsbury and attended the eye clinic. It was extremely busy for a Saturday. Many opticians had referred patients, some had telephoned themselves to make an appointment and there was me with my referral from Shropdoc.

The nursing staff were wonderful. They made me feel at ease as they assessed me and then put drops in my eyes.

I was then to be seen by the doctor, who was extremely busy being there on his own, but he made me feel relaxed and did not rush his examination of my eyes despite the fact he knew he had a waiting room full of people and there was only him on duty. During my assessment he informed me I had a torn retina and that it would need laser treatment. I was a little bit nervous as the doctor explained that it would be undertaken this morning and would only take ten minutes.

Meanwhile I had drops inserted into my eyes to ensure my pupil dilated enough for the treatment to take place and he saw another patient while waiting for this to happen.

For once I didn't feel like a number I felt like a human being despite the fact the unit was really busy.

Each and every patient was treated in exactly the same courteous manner by all the staff despite the fact there was only one receiving nursing assistant, one nurse and one doctor for the whole clinic.

No one seemed to mind waiting either.

The doctor prior to the laser treatment made me lie down to ensure there were no further tears or lesions in my eyes that needed immediate treatment.

The doctor explained as I am myopic and short sighted I am now prone to retina problems. This now means further check ups in clinics to ensure my eyes are checked regularly to detect any retina damage early.

I had the laser surgery done. Steve had been with me during all the assessments but when it came to the laser he had to be out of the room. The doctor informed him. "If you hear screams you may return immediately" (Joke).

As the doctor knew I couldn't see a thing as my vision was so blurred he read out the consent form to me. I had been worried as to what the adverse side of laser treatment was and the doctor obviously read my mind as during the form he informed me what they were as he was writing them down. Strangely enough one of the side effects could be detached retina which is what they were trying to prevent by carrying out the laser treatment in the first place.

Being a contact lens wearer made the procedure easier to endure as a lens was placed on the front of my eye during the laser treatment.

I sat as still as I could while the treatment was undertaken. It was just a bit disconcerting looking one way while flashing lights were being pumped into the other side of me. It was not painful just felt weird sitting in an awkward position for a while.

The flashing stopped and the doctor moved away. It was all over and done with.

I just have to wait for an appointment to come through the post for my checkup.

As I left the hospital the sun was out, not too bright but too bright for me. When we got to the car sunglasses were put on and this made a huge difference.

I really appreciate eyesight now. I was trying to explain to Steve what I could see and how.

Traffic lights of the green light at the bottom was a blob of green in the middle with about eight green blobs around it forming a circle. Trees were outlined with a bright blue line amongst the fog.

The road was grey with no white markings as far as I could see. Buildings were large masses of colour with no distinction.

The wrekin was a dark imposing mass in the distance with no deep characteristics for me. I knew what it should have looked like but it didn't and this made me uneasy like being trapped in fog.

On the way home we stopped at Attingham Park this was eerie to someone in my state of vision. There was a marquee to the right of the entrance I could hear a voice say hello so I answered but could not make out anyone.

Visitors at the centre were a blur of colour with no distinguishing features. I knew what I wanted something familiar a cup of coffee and piece of cake. Sitting staring at it savouring every moment of what it looked like close up to my face. I will never forget the delicate sponge touching my tongue and melting in my mouth. It was delicious.

We returned home to be greeted by the cat (to me it was a furrry thing with a mixture of colours blurring into the other). I had to carefully move her with my foot to get indoors and take one faltering step after the other to ensure my footing.

It was a relief to be in familiar surroundings. I knew I would be tired so slept this afternoon.

I now appreciate my senses far more than I ever did prior to this experience.

Thank goodness it happened last night and not next weekend.

I have been informed if this happens again not to hang around for weeks on end hoping it will clear up by itself but to contact the team in the say way as I did last night and ensure I get seen quickly.

Thank goodness for the NHS.

Best wishes to everyone

Fee

Approximately Two Weeks to go

2009-08-27T21:05:00.002+01:00

Two weeks tomorrow the site for Relay for Life in Shrewsbury will be set up ready for the invasion of the Cancer Research UK Relay for Life Committee members, the following day the teams, survivors, volunteers and supporters will arrive. In 48 hours the whole event will be over.

In the meantime there is still a lot of preparation to do and I have been given a list tonight to do.
This will keep me out of mischief.

Tomorrow is the last day to register as a Survivor on line to ensure t-shirts are available to be worn on the day.

It is also the last day for teams to register for the event.

After this the main tasks are to sell raffle tickets, make sure candle bags are purchased and dedicated to each person correctly ready for the Candle of Hope ceremony which will commence at 8.30 pm this is a very poignant moment and is well worth attending the Relay just for this event in itself.

At 10 am on the Sunday morning the final lap is completed and the total amount raised announced.

This has been hard work since May and I hope all the effort put into it will make a difference.

I just hope all those that take part or visit really enjoy themselves.

Best wishes to everyone.

Fee

An Uppy Downy Day that ends positively

2009-08-26T21:22:00.002+01:00

I have had one of those days. Was not allowed to eat but I was allowed to drink as I was to have a scan at 6pm.

I arrived at the hospital in plenty of time to deal with the formalities of car parking and found a disabled space.

Then it was in to the League of Friends Coffee shop to have a couple of drinks in preparation for the scan. My darling husband had something to eat as he hadn't eaten at lunch time.

By 5.30 I was desperate for the loo but had to hold on until the scan was undertaken. Unfortunately I had to wait over half an hour passed my allocated slot as a consultant decided to use the ultrasound room to check some x-rays. Meanwhile I was wriggling and trying not to burst in the waiting room. My husband bless him patiently asked staff how much longer I would have to wait as I was bursting for the loo. This caused me to have tummyache.

In the end the staff allowed me to visit the toilet just to let out a trickle.

This happened half a dozen times before the scan was undertaken. Having waited an hour for the ultrasound room to become free I was on the verge of going home and told the staff I was fed up of this happening to patients undergoing ultrasound scans.

I am sure the nursing staff are "sadists" and wonder how long patients can hold on before their tempers fray.

Finally I underwent the scan. It appears that the ovarian cyst they discovered in November has been absorbed back into my body. Didn't know that this could happen. The radiographer said she frequently undertakes scans prior to an operation to remove an ovarian cyst just for this very reason thus saving a patient unnecessary surgery.

So today ended on a positive note.

I still have to attend hospital at the end of September but am hopeful I can now be discharged from one of my consultants. That will leave 12.

I have my fingers crossed with my writing ventures and had some positive feedback today about something I have proposed.

So am feeling much better than I was at the start of today.

Hope everyone else is keeping well.

Best wishes

Fee