Things were going well :-(

Hi Everyone,

I was hoping to post some good news on my recovery but to no avail. Tonight the out of hours doctor had to call and do a home visit. This means that this little person is now housebound for the rest of the week.

Oh well, this means more time for reading, knitting and whatever else takes my fancy.

I will also be having the pleasure of blood tests being carried out at home. Who knows it could even be a lovely young male doctor!!!

I expected to be tired after the anaesthetic and a little low but each time I have an operation it seems to take longer to get over than the last one. I know I will bounce back I have many times before. This time I have learn to be a patient patient if you know what I mean.

No more going out and about for me right now and it will take me a while to get back on my feet literally.

I just have to wait and see what the tests are going to show and hope that it is not more bad news.

I am keeping my spirits up as much as possible and have certainly not lost my sense of humour.

I just need to take this time out right now to recharge my batteries recover and move forward one step at a time.

Who knows what fantasy land I could end up in and write about.

Best wishes to everyone.

Fee

Recovering

Dear All,

I am recovering at home slowly. This path is going to be slow as I am not allowed to go swimming while I have the dressings on my wounds.

As soon as I am able to I will be hitting the water and have purchased some swimming aids in readiness. These aids will also be useful for when I do my swimming coach training.

I am learning to be a patient patient and I am finding this hard.

Luckily I love knitting and have kept myself occupied with this.

I have to keep myself busy and am doing this in anyway I can.

I have not been allocated with crutches due to the lymphoedema down left arm and side and am managing with my walking poles.

I have a "new toy" which is a picking up gadget to save me struggling.

I am hoping to focus back on my writing soon but at the moment my mind seems to wander and I am struggling to become positive about it all.

It is like I have one person on one shoulder saying "I can do it" and another saying "You can't do that you aren't good enough".

I am having these mental battles with everything I am attempting at present but know I will overcome them in time.

I just have to cope and get over this operation first then I will move on with everything I want to achieve.

I haven't lost sight of my goals and dreams. I am still fighting for these and know one day everything I aim for I will have achieved.

I just have to pick myself up and dust myself down. Like the song "I get knocked down but I get up again".

That is me summed up right now.

Best wishes to everyone

Fee

Mixed Feelings

Well the last few weeks have been really busy for me what with one thing and another.

I am still busy collecting sponsorship money in from the mile sponsored swim I managed to complete on 23rd May.

As for some of the time I have been attending various hospital appointments. Yesterday was no exception but I have good news. I am at last discharged from the eye department at RSH. The staff have been absolutely wonderful and despite the fact I will have small black floaters my eyes have recovered from the surgery I had in March.

Yesterday morning, I had two telephone calls. One was an Occupational Therapist making an appointment to see me next week in preparation for my operation on 25th June. Having confirmed this appointment I then started to prepare for the journey to Shrewsbury.

The second telephone call was the hospital where I am to have my operation. "Can you come in earlier?"
Me dumbfounded not sure how to respond "when and why?"
We have had some cancellations and need to fill the slots and it is Monday 14th June.

Call up to loving and wonderful husband. Does Monday suit you for the operation date?

"Yes, fine with me".
Checking diary frantically "um does it have to be Monday I have an appointment in Sheffield that day".

Oh what the heck get it over and done with the sooner the better.

"Yes the 14th will be fine thank you."

Frantically trying to make mental notes of who to contact about cancelled appointments on Monday.

First let Debenhams know I won't be there by telephone and back this up with an email to let them know I am sitll willing to help with the project.

Second let family know not able to visit this weekend.

Third telephone Occupational Therapy team and let them know things have been brought forward.

The list seemed endless but I got there in the end.

With last night being late night shopping off we set to buy various items I required to go to hospital with. I had been putting this off till nearer the operation date but yesterday's news brought everything forward.

So most things have been purchased and I am slowly calming down having ticked lots of my lists.

I have even managed to fill in the CRB check form I was given to complete last Friday.

So today is now a normal Friday with a visit to the dentist this afternoon. An engineer to visit the washing machine and a load of routine stuff.

All I have left to do is pack my hospital bag. Prepare my Chairman's Challenge if I ever manage to get my head around the challenge and set off to the swimming pool as normal.

It is nice to have normal things to do instead of sitting at home fretting.

I just wish my life was "normal" who knows one day it could be, but would I be the same as I am now. I love life's challenges and what it throws at me, it has made me a stronger person. I understand and can empathise with people a lot more when they are scared or upset. Worrying about the future is normal but to me just getting through each day is a challenge.

One thing I have definitely learned is I love challenges. I am setting myself goals and who knows what the rest of this year will bring.

I hope to return to disabled sports in Stafford soon as this will bring new challenges in itself and I love trying to beat my personal best.

This year is certainly full of surprises some nice some not so nice but I will keep going to beat the blues.

Best wishes to everyone.

Fee

Good News

Yesterday I had the results of my mammogram carried out a couple of weeks ago. The results are CLEAR.

The consultant was away but I saw his registrar who was very nice (my dream the night before last was that the consultant was too busy to see me and I got very annoyed and was dragged away by two security guards). I had an examination and was told to go back in six months with a mammogram to be carried out every 12 months. This means I am one of the lucky ones to be kept an eye on. The reality of it is I am never going to be free of hospital appointments which affects Life Insurance and other financial issues. It is like a positive and a negative thing all at once. I remain positive and keep moving forward. November brings a bunch of hospital appointments together so hopefully I can have at least one month free from hospital this year fingers crossed.

I am now prepared for a trip to Gobowen Hospital today for a five hour pre-operative assessment. I know this will be a trip to see the phlebotomist ("vampire" in my world). I will then find out how long the operation will be and how long the stay in hospital should last (I hope not long).

My wonderful husband and I went through everything we could think of last night of questions to ask and have written these out so that nothing gets forgotten. I think I may hand this to the nurse prior to the assessment being carried out so they have time to prepare answers.

I am positive and upbeat.

Best wishes

Fee

Dreams

I wonder how many other people have dreams and remember them.

I had a dream last night about a forthcoming hospital appointment which happens to be today. I dreamt the Consultant didn't see me and I felt such a nuisance that I had to be dragged out of the building by security. I soon woke up following this dream. I was shaking like a leaf.

A friend of mine is going through a real tough time right now and we both have operations coming up next month. This had obviously been preying on my mind as I had a weird dream about being knocked over by a large man.

This prompted a telephone call to my friend with a suggestion to help take the stress out of a situation that is obviously worrying me.

When I told her about my dreams she laughed, as we both know that it is not reality.

So the next plan of action is to get ready for hospital appointments and see what will happen next. Let's hope that my dream doesn't come true this afternoon.

Best wishes

Fee

I've Done It

Well I have done it. It took 1 hour and 10 minutes to complete the mile swim but I DID IT.

It helped having some wonderful support along the way and to know I was being kept an eye on by the swimming club Secretary and Chairman made me more determined to keep on going and complete the challenge I had set for myself.

I was so worried about it as I had had a bad cold during the week. The cough is still lingering but at least I pushed myself rather than crying off from doing the swim.

At forty lengths I had an energy drink which spurred me on. On the last length someone said "I've lost count you will have to start again". Luckily I knew it was my last one so wasn't put off by this comment.

The staff at the swimming club have been wonderful support and I know now whatever ideas I come up with I will complete them no matter what befalls me along the way.

I am so pleased with myself as not only have I pushed myself to do the swimming challenge but I went out yesterday to The Square in Shrewsbury to help raise awareness of the Relay for Life event at London Road Sports Centre in Shrewsbury on 11th and 12th September this year.

If the weather hadn't been so hot my wonderful husband would have worn a cowboy shirt and I was hoping to have finished a poncho to wear and have some fun. Instead I wore a pink beach wrap, dressed up with a fake pearl necklace, a long pink skirt and red lipstick on my cheeks, along with a pink headband across my head as an indian squaw. This shows that fancy dress doesn't have to cost a lot and by just raiding my wardrobe I was able to come up with something suitable.

I love being creative and now I will have to turn my mind to more challenges as this now seems like an anticlimax now. A bit like after I got married. Having organised a lot of things, what was I going to focus on. A lot of energy had gone into planning the wedding, finding bargains and searching the internet had been thrilling.

I just have to see what comes up next. I love my life despite the trials I face along the way. Would I swap it for something else? NO!

I am far more challenged doing what I am doing and achieving that I can't imagine going back to the way my life used to be. I am meeting wonderful people along the way and facing challenges I thought I would never attempt let alone complete.

What will be my next challenge? I have no idea right now but knowing me it won't be long before I find something else to meet my needs.

I feel so different from this morning. The worry of was I up to the challenge and would it go all right has gone. I suppose that is how a professional performer feels before they go out on stage.

I could have chickened out this morning and notified the club I wasn't up to it, but I know right now I would have been thinking what a missed opportunity this would have been and anything is worth attempting even if I hadn't finished at least I would have tried.

I suggested to someone they should be in the pool with me when they hinted I should be swimming faster. Their reply had been

"I have a war wound on my leg which prevents me swimming". My retort was

"I have more scars than you and I am doing it".

"I will have to think of some other excuse next time won't I" he replied.

Thinking to myself "too right".

I am now tired and going to sleep and hope my cough goes away soon as it frightens Missi our cat. The reason for this is it sounds like a dog barking at times. I try and comfort her to let her realise it is me but she gets worried and hides. Eventually she comes out from her hiding place for a fuss and of course food.

She is currently lying on the windowsill making lots of noise at a magpie which is annoying her. Yet, if we let her out she soon comes back in luckily with no dead animals. I think she is more mouth than action.

I just have to trawl through my sponsor sheets and work out who has paid what and keep track of amounts. I feel so privileged to have been given the opportunities I have had and without asking friends, family and contacts I would never have raised the amount I have. So a big THANK YOU to all those who supported me in this event.

Best wishes to everyone.

Fee x

The Challenge Looms

I have had a hectic week preparing for the sponsored swim, attending my usual activities and getting organised for various hospital appointments next week.

I just hope I can do the swim and be proud of my achievements tomorrow. That is my one goal that I truly wish to complete.

Am I nervous? Yes. Why? Members of the club will be watching me and I don't want to let anyone down.

Whatever I turn my hand to I try and do my very best at. I always try to give 100%. Sometimes circumstances mean this is not able to be achieved and I have to be realistic.

I really hope that things go well tomorrow.

All I can do now is rest and prepare as best I can for the event.

I am trying not to worry too much about what I have no control over.

Writing is the same, the challenges are the same and the doubts of will I be good enough to get published or complete the task I set myself.

Life certainly is busy and very fulfilling.

Best wishes to everyone and I promise to keep you posted as to how the swim goes.

Fee