Thursday, 27 May 2010

Good News

Yesterday I had the results of my mammogram carried out a couple of weeks ago. The results are CLEAR.

The consultant was away but I saw his registrar who was very nice (my dream the night before last was that the consultant was too busy to see me and I got very annoyed and was dragged away by two security guards). I had an examination and was told to go back in six months with a mammogram to be carried out every 12 months. This means I am one of the lucky ones to be kept an eye on. The reality of it is I am never going to be free of hospital appointments which affects Life Insurance and other financial issues. It is like a positive and a negative thing all at once. I remain positive and keep moving forward. November brings a bunch of hospital appointments together so hopefully I can have at least one month free from hospital this year fingers crossed.

I am now prepared for a trip to Gobowen Hospital today for a five hour pre-operative assessment. I know this will be a trip to see the phlebotomist ("vampire" in my world). I will then find out how long the operation will be and how long the stay in hospital should last (I hope not long).

My wonderful husband and I went through everything we could think of last night of questions to ask and have written these out so that nothing gets forgotten. I think I may hand this to the nurse prior to the assessment being carried out so they have time to prepare answers.

I am positive and upbeat.

Best wishes


Wednesday, 26 May 2010


I wonder how many other people have dreams and remember them.

I had a dream last night about a forthcoming hospital appointment which happens to be today. I dreamt the Consultant didn't see me and I felt such a nuisance that I had to be dragged out of the building by security. I soon woke up following this dream. I was shaking like a leaf.

A friend of mine is going through a real tough time right now and we both have operations coming up next month. This had obviously been preying on my mind as I had a weird dream about being knocked over by a large man.

This prompted a telephone call to my friend with a suggestion to help take the stress out of a situation that is obviously worrying me.

When I told her about my dreams she laughed, as we both know that it is not reality.

So the next plan of action is to get ready for hospital appointments and see what will happen next. Let's hope that my dream doesn't come true this afternoon.

Best wishes


Sunday, 23 May 2010

I've Done It

Well I have done it. It took 1 hour and 10 minutes to complete the mile swim but I DID IT.

It helped having some wonderful support along the way and to know I was being kept an eye on by the swimming club Secretary and Chairman made me more determined to keep on going and complete the challenge I had set for myself.

I was so worried about it as I had had a bad cold during the week. The cough is still lingering but at least I pushed myself rather than crying off from doing the swim.

At forty lengths I had an energy drink which spurred me on. On the last length someone said "I've lost count you will have to start again". Luckily I knew it was my last one so wasn't put off by this comment.

The staff at the swimming club have been wonderful support and I know now whatever ideas I come up with I will complete them no matter what befalls me along the way.

I am so pleased with myself as not only have I pushed myself to do the swimming challenge but I went out yesterday to The Square in Shrewsbury to help raise awareness of the Relay for Life event at London Road Sports Centre in Shrewsbury on 11th and 12th September this year.

If the weather hadn't been so hot my wonderful husband would have worn a cowboy shirt and I was hoping to have finished a poncho to wear and have some fun. Instead I wore a pink beach wrap, dressed up with a fake pearl necklace, a long pink skirt and red lipstick on my cheeks, along with a pink headband across my head as an indian squaw. This shows that fancy dress doesn't have to cost a lot and by just raiding my wardrobe I was able to come up with something suitable.

I love being creative and now I will have to turn my mind to more challenges as this now seems like an anticlimax now. A bit like after I got married. Having organised a lot of things, what was I going to focus on. A lot of energy had gone into planning the wedding, finding bargains and searching the internet had been thrilling.

I just have to see what comes up next. I love my life despite the trials I face along the way. Would I swap it for something else? NO!

I am far more challenged doing what I am doing and achieving that I can't imagine going back to the way my life used to be. I am meeting wonderful people along the way and facing challenges I thought I would never attempt let alone complete.

What will be my next challenge? I have no idea right now but knowing me it won't be long before I find something else to meet my needs.

I feel so different from this morning. The worry of was I up to the challenge and would it go all right has gone. I suppose that is how a professional performer feels before they go out on stage.

I could have chickened out this morning and notified the club I wasn't up to it, but I know right now I would have been thinking what a missed opportunity this would have been and anything is worth attempting even if I hadn't finished at least I would have tried.

I suggested to someone they should be in the pool with me when they hinted I should be swimming faster. Their reply had been

"I have a war wound on my leg which prevents me swimming". My retort was

"I have more scars than you and I am doing it".

"I will have to think of some other excuse next time won't I" he replied.

Thinking to myself "too right".

I am now tired and going to sleep and hope my cough goes away soon as it frightens Missi our cat. The reason for this is it sounds like a dog barking at times. I try and comfort her to let her realise it is me but she gets worried and hides. Eventually she comes out from her hiding place for a fuss and of course food.

She is currently lying on the windowsill making lots of noise at a magpie which is annoying her. Yet, if we let her out she soon comes back in luckily with no dead animals. I think she is more mouth than action.

I just have to trawl through my sponsor sheets and work out who has paid what and keep track of amounts. I feel so privileged to have been given the opportunities I have had and without asking friends, family and contacts I would never have raised the amount I have. So a big THANK YOU to all those who supported me in this event.

Best wishes to everyone.

Fee x

Saturday, 22 May 2010

The Challenge Looms

I have had a hectic week preparing for the sponsored swim, attending my usual activities and getting organised for various hospital appointments next week.

I just hope I can do the swim and be proud of my achievements tomorrow. That is my one goal that I truly wish to complete.

Am I nervous? Yes. Why? Members of the club will be watching me and I don't want to let anyone down.

Whatever I turn my hand to I try and do my very best at. I always try to give 100%. Sometimes circumstances mean this is not able to be achieved and I have to be realistic.

I really hope that things go well tomorrow.

All I can do now is rest and prepare as best I can for the event.

I am trying not to worry too much about what I have no control over.

Writing is the same, the challenges are the same and the doubts of will I be good enough to get published or complete the task I set myself.

Life certainly is busy and very fulfilling.

Best wishes to everyone and I promise to keep you posted as to how the swim goes.


Wednesday, 19 May 2010


I came across a regular columnist in able magazine and discovered she has a blog at . Lorraine really deserves a mention on my blog as without reading her column I would never have sent my first letter to able magazine and had it accepted.

I haven't got a letter in this time as I was under the weather when the last magazine came out and nothing had got my blood boiling to respond to either so that was that.

This year is not going as I planned it would but heyho that is life and I just have to get on with it somehow.

Hospital appointments are just around the corner so this means a really busy week next week with lots of journeys and various consultants to see.

I will also be taking a break in Wales visiting friends who I haven't seen for a while so when I return my batteries should be recharged with energy and hopefully I will be able to write a lot more too.

I just need to find the motivation not inspiration.

Best wishes to everyone.


Monday, 17 May 2010

Practice makes perfect

Dear all,

For those of you who want to know how my swimming challenges are going please read the following link . I am so grateful to Wrekin Writers who have offered me so much support not only with my writing but the other challenges I face throughout my life.

Saturday proved an interesting session at the writing group as good old Simon Whaley gave us a recipe demonstration on writing. His magic bowl produced some wonderful letters of how to initially get published. Thank you Simon for your inspiration and words of wisdom.

The sponsored swim is looming fast upon the horizon. Will I do it? We will all have to wait and see. If last night is anything to go by I should manage it providing I don't daydream in the deep end see Taking The Plunge post.

With wonderful support from my husband I am achieving many things. Sometimes I set my sights too high and hit disappointment but the main thing is I try.

I am still busy with my charity work and this Saturday coming should see me dressed up in Shrewsbury Square raising awareness of Cancer Research UK Relay for Life taking place on the 11th and 12th September this year at London Road Sports Centre, Shrewsbury.

I have lots of things keeping me occupied right now so blogging is slow but steady.

I will keep you posted as to more news next week.

Best wishes


Monday, 10 May 2010


I am feeling exhausted right now and so appears to be my inspiration for writing.

I feel that things flow better when a good frame of mind occurs and depression, fatigue, or other moods hit then my writing is affected. I am not suffering writers block far from it just sheer exhaustion.

Lack of sleep, pain, bureaucracy and other factors are having a major impact on my life my write now and priorties have to be given to whatever is needed most.

Each time I pull myself up out of the slump something else seems to be coming along and blocking my recovery. I am completely unsure as to why my life has a habit of being like this but I know in time like I have before I will bounce back better than ever. The question is WHEN?

Bureaucracy is a major factor and trying to get one department talking to another seems to be an alien world but I am gradually breaking down these barriers.

I am prioritising meetings that matter most to me. Putting off what isn't really important and trying to concentrate on ME for the first time ever in my life.

I am still going to try and achieve my goal of the sponsored mile swim on the 23rd May as I have set my heart on trying to achieve something this year.

My plans to go to Westminster again this year are on the back burner, the writer's retreat is impossible for me this year with other financial restraints.

The new year dawned with me wanting to achieve so much. Nearly half the year has gone by and half of what I wanted to achieve has gone by the by. This is all through no fault of my own other than horrid circumstances and bad weather.

Now June is looming with yet another operation date so everything else is being put off until I see how that relates to the rest of the year.

I am trying to be realistic and so positive too. I daren't put my name forward for too much this year in case I can't make it and feel as though I am letting others down. I much prefer to say I don't know rather than a certain I can and I will.

At last my hospital folders have been sorted out into which hospital and who deals with what. I have two A4 lever arch files one for the local hospital trust the other for the orthopaedic hospital near Gobowen.

So at just a turn of a page I know who last saw me when and if I need a follow up.

This also makes it easier for when the DWP want proof of my medical conditions which happens frequently. I hope they don't want to see my scars ever again as this happened in November 2007. I have had enough of bureaucracy.

So onwards and upwards solving problems along the way not only for now but for those that follow in these footsteps to make life a little easier than what feels like an uphill struggle.

As I am exhausted I am off to bed (the sofa!!) so goodnight one and all sleep tight and god bless.

Love from Feex