Reflection

I am feeling exhausted right now and so appears to be my inspiration for writing.

I feel that things flow better when a good frame of mind occurs and depression, fatigue, or other moods hit then my writing is affected. I am not suffering writers block far from it just sheer exhaustion.

Lack of sleep, pain, bureaucracy and other factors are having a major impact on my life my write now and priorties have to be given to whatever is needed most.

Each time I pull myself up out of the slump something else seems to be coming along and blocking my recovery. I am completely unsure as to why my life has a habit of being like this but I know in time like I have before I will bounce back better than ever. The question is WHEN?

Bureaucracy is a major factor and trying to get one department talking to another seems to be an alien world but I am gradually breaking down these barriers.

I am prioritising meetings that matter most to me. Putting off what isn't really important and trying to concentrate on ME for the first time ever in my life.

I am still going to try and achieve my goal of the sponsored mile swim on the 23rd May as I have set my heart on trying to achieve something this year.

My plans to go to Westminster again this year are on the back burner, the writer's retreat is impossible for me this year with other financial restraints.

The new year dawned with me wanting to achieve so much. Nearly half the year has gone by and half of what I wanted to achieve has gone by the by. This is all through no fault of my own other than horrid circumstances and bad weather.

Now June is looming with yet another operation date so everything else is being put off until I see how that relates to the rest of the year.

I am trying to be realistic and so positive too. I daren't put my name forward for too much this year in case I can't make it and feel as though I am letting others down. I much prefer to say I don't know rather than a certain I can and I will.

At last my hospital folders have been sorted out into which hospital and who deals with what. I have two A4 lever arch files one for the local hospital trust the other for the orthopaedic hospital near Gobowen.

So at just a turn of a page I know who last saw me when and if I need a follow up.

This also makes it easier for when the DWP want proof of my medical conditions which happens frequently. I hope they don't want to see my scars ever again as this happened in November 2007. I have had enough of bureaucracy.

So onwards and upwards solving problems along the way not only for now but for those that follow in these footsteps to make life a little easier than what feels like an uphill struggle.

As I am exhausted I am off to bed (the sofa!!) so goodnight one and all sleep tight and god bless.

Love from Feex