I hope all you wonderful mums have a wonderful day and really enjoy it.
I tried telephoning my mother having sent a card and as usual got no answer. I am hurting each time this happens as I feel it is rejection or perhaps I am overreacting.
I last saw my parents in March 2005 but I do speak on the telephone as and when I can. I always send the relevant cards and try and make contact as much as possible. I invited them to my wedding but they unfortunately had other plans.
In some ways I wish I was a mum myself but I know this will never happen as I made a very hard decision when I was 32 and just been diagnosed. I had no idea I was pregnant at the time of the operation and the nurses did not do pregnancy tests back then. So I had the operation and went home the say day. A couple of months later early January I felt extremely unwell and collapsed I was taken to hospital and then referred to a larger one. Here I discovered I was pregnant. I saw the gynaecologist the following week who said with my illness we would have to be extremely careful if the pregnancy was to continue and I had a while to decide what I wanted to do. The decision was made for me as a couple of days later I miscarried this meant a removal of products had to be carried out (yet another operation). The lovely gynaecologist told me I could also be sterilised at the same time to prevent the risk of yet another miscarriage and also the risk of passing the illness on to my offspring. I had a couple of days in which to decide.
In some ways I feel I took the coward's way out. I had the operation and sterilisation so will never know what it is going to be like to be a natural mother. I did have step children in my first marriage and loved them as if they were my own. Making things for them and loving them as best I could but I always knew and often they reminded me "You are not my real mum".
So I know life is tough and hard decisions have to be made. I made the decisions with the advice from the professionals but sometimes I yearn for what I have not got other days when I hear a baby screaming in a shop and it just won't stop I feel I am glad it is not happening to me.
So for all you mothers who have children, babies, teenagers or grown up remember you are the lucky ones you have faced your challenges and will have more to come because even when children are adults they always want their mum.